Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Poodle Bitch's Heart Does Not Go Out to Jessica Simpson

Poodle Bitch is sorry, but she cannot bring herself to muster anything but disdain for Jessica Simpson, who recently tweeted:

"A coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!"

Her "precious Daisy" is a maltipoo bitch. This is a breed that combines the poodle with the maltese. Poodle Bitch is of course a poodle herself, and so she can tell you that poodles are intelligent- certainly more intelligent than the notoriously unintelligent Ms. Simpson- and have refined manners. Poodle Bitch has already written about malteses, when she took on the case of Aubrey O'Day's hapless dog Ginger.

Poodle Bitch understands the trauma that can be experienced by actual animal lovers when their "precious" companions lose their lives. However, Poodle Bitch does not consider someone who would put a maltipoo in harm's way to be an actual animal lover.

Her suspicion is aroused by the fact that Ms. Simpson went straight to twitter to air her "HORROR" during the search. Poodle Bitch wonders about Ms. Simpson's thought process. "I had better tweet this- perhaps a coyote will read about it and respond with some information."

Poodle Bitch was not alone in wondering this:

After a coyote snatched Jessica Simpson's 5-year-old pooch, Daisy, she posted a note on Twitter offering a reward -- baffling celebrity dog trainer Jennifer McCarthy.

"If she witnesses a coyote taking the dog...obviously coyotes don't Twitter!" McCarthy -- who has trained Kelly Osbourne and Christina Aguilera's pups -- tells "So that would be essentially not very effective in this case."

Poodle Bitch loves the charming naivete displayed by the "celebrity dog trainer." (By the way, Poodle Bitch wonders if she is a celebrity dog trainer, or a celebrity dog trainer?) The tweet would be very effective for a woman who seems to spend most of her career eliciting sympathy. And the other half being stupid.

Of course Poodle Bitch has no way of knowing the exact circumstances of the abduction (which, Poodle Bitch is reluctant to add, has probably already come to a dire conclusion), but she can know that it is easy for humans to keep their "precious" companion animals away from the "HORROR" of coyote attacks by staying away from areas in which coyotes live.

Most especially when your companion is an adorable little maltipoo. Indeed, it is for poor little Daisy that Poodle Bitch has the sympathy. She cannot imagine the terror that poor little creature must have felt. Anything would be better than being carried off by a coyote, including having Jessica Simpson for a companion.

Although, apparently, having Jessica Simpson for a companion means you're likely to be carried off by a coyote.

Jessica Simpson in "happier" times, with poor ill-fated Daisy. Poodle Bitch notes that Ms. Simpson appears to be carrying a cell phone of some kind in that same hand in which she holds her "precious" maltipoo. Hopefully she used it to call 911 before she started using it to tweet how sad she was over the loss of her companion.

Photo source.

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