Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Poodle Bitch Wonders About the Sexual Habits of Humans-- or at Least of Heidi Montag

That headline is misleading. To be honest, Poodle Bitch does not wonder about the sexual habits of humans, at least not usually. Unfortunately, her eye came across a bit of news about the new Heidi Montag (Poodle Bitch thought she was calling herself "Heidi Pratt" now) album. She read some of the lyrics. And she shuddered:
On Tuesday, after three years of waiting, she [Heidi Montag] officially dropped her debut album, Superficial -- and she gets racy. Verrry racy.

Take the track "I'll Do It," for instance.

"I brought some treats / I know that you gon love em," she sings. "Come eat my panties off of me / Do whatever you feel comes naturally."

Poodle Bitch would like to point out first of all that "verrry" in the second sentence pulled from the US magazine article was the original author's attempt at something Poodle Bitch can only assume was "hipness." She does not make such grammatical errors.

As to the actual content quoted above, Poodle Bitch does appreciate the idea that Ms. Montag might bring her romantic partner "treats," perhaps tomato slices. All creatures, including humans, should get treats. But the next lines-- "come eat my panties off me/Do whatever you feel comes naturally" are confusing to Poodle Bitch.

Is it natural to eat panties?

Poodle Bitch wonders if humans can become sufficiently aroused so as to want to ingest human undergarments, composed as they are of cotton, silk, or lace, and containing as they do the remnants of varying types of human waste, however trace those remnants might be.

This especially given what we know of Ms. Montag-or-Ms. Pratt's eating habits.

Poodle Bitch wonders if after they shared their Taco Bell "treats," did Spencer Pratt then ingest his wife's panties as well?

Photo source.