Poodle Bitch Still Does Not Know "The Price of Beauty," and She Wonders Why Jessica Simpson was the One They Asked

Poodle Bitch has made no secret of her contempt for Jessica Simpson. The woman is vacuous and pathetic, eliciting both sympathy and irritation. Ms. Simpson seems to have only two redeeming qualities—the breasts that her father has boasted “can’t be hidden.” She continues to push herself upon a public that can only bear so much of her, laughing until the tragedy becomes almost too much to bear, and then forgetting her again.

At some point, Poodle Bitch wishes that Ms. Simpson would get on with her life, if not out of the public spotlight, at the very least in such a way as to better herself. Despite her fame, she has met with stunning failure as a singer, actress, and variety show host. She seems to have terrible taste in human men. Something must be done; she must help herself. No one else will.

Perhaps traveling the world, learning about other cultures, could help her.

Poodle Bitch will admit that she was at first intrigued when she heard about Ms. Simpson’s new show, “The Prince of Beauty.” A television program dissecting the cultural differences about ideals of beauty, even physical beauty, could make for penetrating television. Having Ms. Simpson along as host added another layer. This, after all, is a woman who has built much of her career on the sturdy edifice provided by those breasts that her own father loves so much. Moreover, she has been accused of being everything from “too fat” to “too skinny.” There is much there to play with.

Alas, Poodle Bitch is disappointed to report that “The Prince of Beauty” neatly sidesteps any of its unique possibilities. It is difficult to say this after merely one episode, but Poodle Bitch believes that it might actually be the worst television show that the odious VH1 has ever offered.

And Ms. Simpson might be the least appealing “star” VH1 has ever built a television program around.

Ms. Simpson begins the first episode with a doe-eyed lament that “there is a lot of pressure to feel beautiful.” Poodle Bitch wonders if perhaps the pressure that Ms. Simpson is feeling has more to do with looking, than feeling beautiful. Poodle Bitch is not a human, but she has a hard time understanding why anyone would care whether Ms. Simpson feels beautiful.

Is not the issue that she must look beautiful?

Yes, for Ms. Simpson flatly states that “People put so much pressure on women to be beautiful.” This is spoken as part of a voice over, while images of Ms. Simpson in short, tight dresses on red carpets are displayed. Poodle Bitch cannot help but wonder if perhaps Ms. Simpson is actually part of the problem, if indeed this is a problem?

Poodle Bitch wonders if Ms. Simpson is one of those “people” who put so much pressure on women to be beautiful.

“I’m going to travel the world to see what makes a woman in different cultures feel beautiful,” Ms. Simpson insists. Poodle Bitch believes that Ms. Simpson does in fact require some kind of education in that regard. However, she believes that Ms. Simpson should take her educational medicine without a camera for which to perform. Ms. Simpson does not represent America. She does not represent American culture. Poodle Bitch believes that Ms. Simpson represents nothing more than a spoiled, privileged, sad young woman trying desperately to prove her relevance to an indifferent world.

Poodle Bitch wonders if Ms. Simpson would undertake such a journey of discovery if last country album had done better?

Not helping are the two “friends” that Ms. Simpson brings along with her. One of them is a fellow named Ken, who does Ms. Simpson’s hair and makeup. In other words, this man is an employee of Ms. Simpson; yet he is described by her as “one of my best friends in the world.”

Poodle Bitch is a dog, so she is unclear on this point: Do humans typically pay their friends to hang out with them?

The other friend, CaCee, “just makes everybody laugh.” That is all we are told of her, although she is shown helping Ms. Simpson pick out clothing with Ken. Poodle Bitch cannot help but infer that the sad, truly friendless Ms. Simpson is paying CaCee to hang out with her, too. As her personal shopper, or stylist, or something equally tragic.

How is Poodle Bitch to enjoy a program when she feels sad for the protagonist? Sadness that gives way to irritation, such as when Ms. Simpson states “The reason I’m going on the journey of beauty in all of these different countries is because I want to find it for myself.” Poodle Bitch wonders what, exactly, “it” is supposed to be in that illiterate sentence? “Beauty”? Poodle Bitch wonders about a human who needs help finding an abstract idea.

Poodle Bitch also wonders why she should care whether a woman who has built her career on having enormous breasts, and shapely legs, but very little in the way of intelligence, ever finds “beauty.”

The first stop for these three sophisticates is Bangkok Thailand. The three are shown being driven in a large automobile, pointing at various landmarks and making inane observations. Poodle Bitch is already considering urinating on her television set.

“It’s a whole—nuther world,” CaCee says. This is the woman who, according to Ms. Simpson, “makes everybody laugh.”

Apparently, she doesn’t make everybody think.

The three are of course “exhausted” from their flight, so they get a Thai massage. Ms. Simpson hopes she doesn’t pass gas, then gasps and cries, “ow!” as her body is contorted by the massage. Has she learned anything about beauty yet?

Thailand’s “beauty ambassador” is a model and actress named Sonia Couling, who hosts Thailand’s version of “America’s Next Top Model.”

Poodle Bitch knows when she is being played for a sucker, and she has now reached her breaking point. The television has gone off. Nothing about this program is serious; it is merely a television vehicle for Ms. Simpson, an excuse for her to take her “friends” with her on a trip around the world, while, for a change, someone else pays them to associate with her.

Poodle Bitch has better things to do with her time.

Pity poor Jessica Simpson. She tried to capitalize on her physical assets, her career faltered, and now she is suddenly concerned about what other cultures consider beautiful.

Photo source.

Poodle Bitch Wonders if Jessica Simpson's Maltipoo, Daisy, Committed Suicide

Poodle Bitch has already written of her lack of sympathy for Jessica Simpson. It is with Ms. Simpson's now lost Maltipoo Daisy that her sympathies lie. And yet, Poodle Bitch cannot help but note that Ms. Simpson is still attempting to solicit sympathy over the loss of the Maltipoo she used as an accessory:

"Daisy meant the world to me," the star, 29, told Usmagazine.com at the FFANY Shoes on Sale QVC event in NYC Tuesday. "I hold her memory very, very close. It was an unfortunate thing what happened. That I don't have her every day... It's a very hard thing to talk about."

Yes, Ms. Simpson is having such a difficult time of it that she could barely muster the inner courage to attend the "FFANY Shoes on Sale QVC event in NYC." Poodle Bitch wonders, with no small amount of irony, just how it is that Ms. Simpson is able to continue.

Poodle Bitch has been curious about Ms. Simpson ever since her Maltipoo disappeared so mysteriously. Supposedly, the poor creature was carried off by a coyote. To be honest, Poodle Bitch was wondering if it was possible that someone so fame-obsessed might have done away with the Maltipoo herself, in order to get attention.

Poodle Bitch fancies herself the less fussy, poodle version of the television detective Monk.

However, after doing a bit of online research, Poodle Bitch has come to a quite different conclusion: The Maltipoo Daisy might have committed suicide, running headlong into the gaping maw of the coyote rather than have to spend another day as Ms. Simpson's security blanket:

"She won't leave her parents' house," a source says. "Whenever things went wrong, she reached for Daisy. Daisy was her security blanket."
...
"Jessica has a very small inner circle," the friend said. "But she always had Daisy. Daisy gave her the unconditional love she needed."
...
Whenever she was out at night, Jessica Simpson called home and had "someone put Daisy on the phone so she could say goodnight."
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When Jessica Simpson was having relationship problems, the friend said "she would cry herself to sleep at night, using Daisy as a pillow."
...
Daisy filled a void because "Jessica is very needy. She is very clingy. She is so sweet, but sometimes she's hard to be around."

"It's not always easy. She hates to be alone. That's what happened with Tony. Jessica smothers people. She doesn't really have hobbies."

Clearly, Daisy the Maltipoo was under a great deal of stress. Poodle Bitch has no doubt that the poodle half of Daisy had little patience with such "clinginess." She has no idea how the maltese half of Daisy felt about the situation. Poodle Bitch cannot imagine the unmitigated hell with which Daisy had to deal, as part of the Simpson household, being used a snot rag whenever Ms. Simpson's heart was broken over one of her ongoing romantic or professional disappointments.

Poodle Bitch shudders- and would not blame a Maltipoo for wanting to end it all. In such case, Poodle Bitch finds Ms. Simpson's insistence that Daisy would want her to get another dog to be especially touching:

Simpson still is unsure if she will get a new dog.

"I haven't really thought about another dog yet, but maybe sometime," she told Us. "[Daisy] would want that."

Indeed, Daisy would have wanted that. She would have wanted Ms. Simpson to have gotten another dog a long time before.


This poor puppy never had a chance-- did she eventually decide to take her chances with a coyote rather than spend another minute as Jessica Simpson's snot rag?

Photograph source.

A Poem For Jessica Simpson's Dog, Daisy

Poodle Bitch has already discussed the terrible story of Jessica Simpson's ill-fated maltipoo, Daisy. She has little sympathy for Ms. Simpson.

However, she is filled with sadness over what has happened to Daisy. In fact, Poodle Bitch has been so moved as to compose a poem in honor of Daisy and her sad life.

Poor Daisy! Your life was doomed to be a wreck,
Nam'd for an embarrassing TV "Duke," a redneck,

Cursed by a companion of profound fatuity,
Carried off in the maw of a hungry coyote.

Our hearts quietly break for that wilting maltipoo,
A sad Daisy pluck'd, amidst tabloid hulabaloo.

For sympathy Jessica did tweet,
While you, poor bitch, became luncheon meat.


Poodle Bitch was unable to find photographs of Daisy that did not include her thoughtless companion, "actress" and "singer" Jessica Simpson. It is too bad that Daisy will be remembered in this way.

Pic source.

Poodle Bitch's Heart Does Not Go Out to Jessica Simpson

Poodle Bitch is sorry, but she cannot bring herself to muster anything but disdain for Jessica Simpson, who recently tweeted:

"A coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!"

Her "precious Daisy" is a maltipoo bitch. This is a breed that combines the poodle with the maltese. Poodle Bitch is of course a poodle herself, and so she can tell you that poodles are intelligent- certainly more intelligent than the notoriously unintelligent Ms. Simpson- and have refined manners. Poodle Bitch has already written about malteses, when she took on the case of Aubrey O'Day's hapless dog Ginger.

Poodle Bitch understands the trauma that can be experienced by actual animal lovers when their "precious" companions lose their lives. However, Poodle Bitch does not consider someone who would put a maltipoo in harm's way to be an actual animal lover.

Her suspicion is aroused by the fact that Ms. Simpson went straight to twitter to air her "HORROR" during the search. Poodle Bitch wonders about Ms. Simpson's thought process. "I had better tweet this- perhaps a coyote will read about it and respond with some information."

Poodle Bitch was not alone in wondering this:

After a coyote snatched Jessica Simpson's 5-year-old pooch, Daisy, she posted a note on Twitter offering a reward -- baffling celebrity dog trainer Jennifer McCarthy.

"If she witnesses a coyote taking the dog...obviously coyotes don't Twitter!" McCarthy -- who has trained Kelly Osbourne and Christina Aguilera's pups -- tells Usmagazine.com. "So that would be essentially not very effective in this case."

Poodle Bitch loves the charming naivete displayed by the "celebrity dog trainer." (By the way, Poodle Bitch wonders if she is a celebrity dog trainer, or a celebrity dog trainer?) The tweet would be very effective for a woman who seems to spend most of her career eliciting sympathy. And the other half being stupid.

Of course Poodle Bitch has no way of knowing the exact circumstances of the abduction (which, Poodle Bitch is reluctant to add, has probably already come to a dire conclusion), but she can know that it is easy for humans to keep their "precious" companion animals away from the "HORROR" of coyote attacks by staying away from areas in which coyotes live.

Most especially when your companion is an adorable little maltipoo. Indeed, it is for poor little Daisy that Poodle Bitch has the sympathy. She cannot imagine the terror that poor little creature must have felt. Anything would be better than being carried off by a coyote, including having Jessica Simpson for a companion.

Although, apparently, having Jessica Simpson for a companion means you're likely to be carried off by a coyote.

Jessica Simpson in "happier" times, with poor ill-fated Daisy. Poodle Bitch notes that Ms. Simpson appears to be carrying a cell phone of some kind in that same hand in which she holds her "precious" maltipoo. Hopefully she used it to call 911 before she started using it to tweet how sad she was over the loss of her companion.

Photo source.