Exasperating Nonsense from Massachusetts

Massachusetts is the state which, as Poodle Bitch recalls, wanted to increase its animal companion licensing fees by $3.00. At the time, Poodle Bitch wondered about the soundness of demanding more money from responsible animal companions during what is being called an economic downturn-- but now, Poodle Bitch has the disturbing answer as to what it is that animal control authorities in that great state do with their money.

In one case, they steal animal companions and present them as gifts to police officers' girlfriends.

It was not until [Janet] Torren threatened to call police last month that she learned the Stoughton official in charge of finding stray dogs had given away her “little princess,’’ a 4-year-old Yorkshire terrier that Torren calls Shai.

The story is almost too exasperating for Poodle Bitch to relate. Apparently, young Shai slipped out through a back gate at the home of Ms. Torren's son. Shai was then taken to "the pound," where she was then presented to a police officer's girlfriend by the head of animal control, a reprehensible creature called Kristin Bousquet.

But Torren did not learn for 12 days that the dog had been brought to the pound and she spent nearly every one of those days knocking on doors and making phone calls in search of her beloved pet. She called the Stoughton pound many times, but was told they did not have her dog.

“I was frantic,’’ she said. “Our children are grown, and Shai is a baby to us; we treat her as our little princess. She’s a family member. She’s absolutely loving.’’

Shai had an identifying microchip implanted behind one of her ears, and Torren called one microchip company, thinking they would know if it had been scanned by a pound or a veterinarian. They had not received any reports. On Oct. 1, Torren called another company and learned the microchip had been scanned, by the town pound in Stoughton, on the day the dog was lost.

So, once again, Torren called Kristin Bousquet, the town’s animal control officer. There was no answer. After Torren left a message threatening to call police, Bousquet called back and tried to suggest someone else at the pound or the local rescue league may have scanned Shai’s microchip, even though Torren said the company told her that Bousquet had registered Shai.

Finally, Ms. Torren contacted the chief of police, who was able to locate the dog. Shai and Ms. Torren were reunited-- a happy ending to a story that Poodle Bitch finds very disturbing. Except. There is something within the article that causes Poodle Bitch to be still unsettled.

After Bousquet said the dog was about to be taken to Florida, Torren gave her a half hour to return her dog. Then Torren met with Chief Thomas Murphy of the Stoughton Police Department. They chatted in his office for a few minutes, and he walked out and came back carrying Shai.

“It was a huge relief,’’ she said. “It was like this whole, horrible story was over.’’

After a brief investigation, Murphy found that Bousquet had given the dog to a police officer’s girlfriend, who was planning to move to Florida with Shai. He found that the dog was well fed and in good condition. The officer and his girlfriend, neither of whom Murphy identified, did not know that the dog had been missing, Murphy said.

Perhaps it's just that the article is inartfully written, but Poodle Bitch wonders what the police chief did while he was out of the office? Did he know which of his officers' girlfriends had been given the dog? Where did he get the dog he was carrying when he returned to his office? And, perhaps most important, Poodle Bitch wonders why Ms. Torren, who was likely so overcome with relief that she was not thinking straight, should trust anything that any city officials tell her regarding her animal companion?

Poodle Bitch has been very lucky. She has, for the most part, encountered humans who have treated her with respect and decency. She has always felt relatively safe with her humans, and is of a sufficiently contrary nature that very few humans would want to spirit her away from her regular human companions. But she understands that this is a constant source of anxiety for many dogs; they worry over their treatment by humans, for they are essentially at the mercy of humans.

Poodle Bitch suspects that Shai will be a long time recovering from this sense of abandonment she felt when she was taken from Ms. Torren. And for that, Ms. Torren should do something.

Alas:

Torren has decided not to press charges against Bousquet.

Again, Poodle Bitch believes Ms. Torren is allowing her relief to cloud her judgment. The reprehensible Kristin Bousquet scanned Shai's chip at the pound, gave Shai to someone else, and then repeatedly and over the course of 12 days lied about the fact, knowingly preventing Ms. Torren and Shai being reunited. Poodle Bitch believes there's a fine line between being polite and being a sap. It doesn't matter that the town manager fired the reprehensible Kristin Bousquet from her job in animal control. Of course she should have lost her job. But this human exhibited a pattern of deviousness that merited punishment beyond that.

The reprehensible Kristin Bousquet was drawing a salary that was paid for with taxpayer money. If Poodle Bitch were a resident of Massachusetts, she would compose a harshly-worded letter to Ms. Torren, telling her to press charges, if only for the other taxpayers.

Some Dogs are Annoying Drunks; But Giving Alcohol to a Pup Dog is Always Wrong

Poodle Bitch has rarely imbibed. She has little taste for alcoholic beverages, and tends to dislike the tingling sensation she encounters when she has more than a few sips. To her, most liquor smells of cleaning fluids; and Poodle Bitch does not wish to drink cleaning fluids. It's for this reason that Poodle Bitch is often conscripted into the job of "designated driver."

That said, she has known dogs that have enjoyed the flavor of alcohol, and who enjoy the festive sensations inspired by being in their cups. Poodle Bitch has no problem with this-- she believes that life is short enough, and cares not to judge how others spend their free time.

Of course, Poodle Bitch does not care to be around certain types of drunks. Labradors, that most obnoxious of breeds, tend to be particularly loud and boisterous when they've drunk too much. Malteses's voices become even higher-pitched and more irritating, and they tend to cry about past wrongs-- former romantic partners who have left them, for instance. Beagles tend to become restive, and angry at the slightest provocation; especially if they believe they are being made fun of. Pugs almost inevitably start wheezing on and on about politics, and anyone who disagrees with them is simply asking to be bitten.

Poodle Bitch's musings on the behaviors of certain types of drunks was inspired by the story of a man in a place called "Iowa City," who has been charged with providing alcohol to an underage dog:

While the owner was away, [Jared Levi] Colony poured UV brand flavored vodka into [4 month-old Puggle puppy] Pip’s bowl and encouraged the dog to drink it, police said.

When the dog’s owner returned to the residence, Pip was unresponsive, his tongue was hanging out and the dog was barely breathing. Police said Colony told the owner, “Pip’s just a little drunk right now.”

Poodle Bitch notes that, because the pup in question was a "puggle," and therefore contained aspects of both the pug and beagle breeds, the pup most likely required little encouragement. The beagle parts of Pip are unsophisticated and boorish. The pug parts of course are, well, more coarse.

Poodle Bitch has not met a puggle, and has never seen one drunk. She wonders if the dog would obnoxiously expound on tiresome political matters, or would become belligerent over some perceived slight against his "honor."

But of course this is a moot point anyway, since the dog in question was merely a pup. No pup dogs, not even beagles or pugs, should be drinking. Their bodies are too small and undeveloped to handle it.

Police said Pip received critical care for nearly two days at Bright Eyes and Bushy Tails veterinary hospital and barely survived alcohol poisoning.

Poodle Bitch has led a relatively charmed life, compared to the fates that befall many dogs. She has never had occasion to see a drunken pup dog; nor would she care to. She has to wonder at the mentality of the human who would give alcohol to an underage dog.

Once a dog gets to be two or three years old, she is capable of making her own choices about whether to drink or not. Until that time, she must rely on a sensible human to use proper judgment about what to feed her. Apparently, that is a scary prospect.

RE: Human-Dog Mouth-to-Mouth

The AP has another misleadingly headlined article: "Pet owners willing to go mouth-to-muzzle."

A careful reading of the article (and, if Poodle Bitch can be so bold, "careful" is the only way Poodle Bitch reads anything), reveals that a perhaps more accurate title might have been "Some Pet Owners willing to go mouth-to-mouth." For, as the second paragraph states,

Fifty-eight percent of pet owners — 63 percent of dog owners and 53 percent of cat owners — would be at least somewhat likely to perform CPR on their pet in the event of a medical emergency, according to an Associated Press-Petside.com poll.

Poodle Bitch finds it appalling that a full 42% of "pet owners" would not even be at least "somewhat likely" to perform a basic life-saving action on their "property." Poodle Bitch wonders about that 42%. If their beloved animal were seen choking to death, would he stand over his charge and cackle? Would he say, "Well, it was nice knowing you"? Would he at least fret, as young Fido's (which is a derivative of the word "fidelity," Poodle Bitch notes) life force ebbed from his body?

Poodle Bitch is immeasurably appalled by this idea. Even if you see yourself as an "owner" of a pet, would you not do everything you could to protect your property? Poodle Bitch wonders what is the percentage of people who would attempt to prevent their Wiis or Playstations from choking to death?

Poodle Bitch has already written of the casual cruelty of which pet "owners" are capable; nonetheless, she is surprised that they are capable of such depravity. Not only that-- the headline and story are composed in such a way as to suggest that humans should be proud of the fact that 42% of pet companions would allow their animals to die a slow and agonizing choking death, without even attempting to revive them. The first paragraph is comically slanted:

Most pet owners would leap into action for an injured pet, even if it meant risking dog breath by going mouth-to-snout.

How wonderful that a bare majority of pet "owners" would risk "dog breath" in attempting to stop their pet dying! Poodle Bitch is barely touched. She believes the article could have delved into the motivations, or lack thereof, of the 42% who would allow their animal companion to die without attempting to help him.

Of course, the article does not do this. The article, Poodle Bitch notes with weary unsurprise, is strictly ho-hum.

The reader is introduced to a few "pet owners" who take their animal companions seriously, and is then admonished to have disaster plans in case of fire or earthquake. Directing "pet owners" to a website that offers instruction on animal-specific CPR-- or that tells "pet owners" where they can find classes in the subject-- might have been a good start.

Instead, the article merely congratulates humans on the fact that most of their species would be willing to at least try to prevent their animal companion dying horribly. Poodle Bitch wonders at just how far the bar that measures compassion has been lowered.

Somehow, and Against Her Better Judgment, Poodle Bitch Has Fallen Under the Spell of John and Edward

Poodle Bitch is both appalled and fascinated by the antics of "X Factor" contestants John and Edward. There is something about their enthusiasm that almost makes up for their lack of talent. And Poodle Bitch has to admit that she has a high tolerance for true, earnest kitsch. It is both tragic and hilarious-- and more than a little inspiring.

The above clip shows their take on the only Britney Spears song that Poodle Bitch is able to tolerate. Poodle Bitch notes that it is not nearly so good as Richard Thompson's version, but it is still quite exquisite. Exquisite as a painting of a crying clown. Drinking Old Crow.

It is making the rounds now because Simon Cowell called it the worst performance he'd seen on "X Factor." Poodle Bitch doesn't see how this could be. She notes that their Britney Spears-inspired performance (complete with shiny PVC outfits and "Titanic" reference) is not nearly so tragically bizarre as their evisceration of Robbie Williams' "Rock DJ":



Not to be cruel, but Poodle Bitch did not realize it was possible to ruin a Robbie Williams song. Yet Poodle Bitch finds it more than a little unsettling to hear a pair of androgynous halflings of indeterminate age singing,

"Gonna stick it in the goal
It's time to move your body."

Poodle Bitch notes that Danii Minogue spends more time talking about the twins' food-stealing antics than the performance itself. "Not the best vocals," she declares. "But I love the way you entered." Cheryl Cole tells them she admires their perseverance in the face of criticism. She then says, wonderfully, "It's not your fault you're in the final twelve."

Chin up, boys!

Simon Cowell further twists the knife by complimenting their "thick skins." He then tests said "thick skins" by telling them their performance was "a musical nightmare."

The judge who seems most enamored of them, Louis Walsh, then offers his own encouragement: "Not all the pop stars on the charts are great singers."

Poodle Bitch concurs.


Not great singers. But they make a good entrance.

Photograph source.

Poodle Bitch Has Almost Given Up on Project Runway

Poodle Bitch had high hopes for "Project Runway" this season. She has always been a fan of the show, ever since she was an adorable puppy during the first season. She saw it as that rare televised reality competition where merit was rewarded. Where skill was treated with respect.

To be sure, there were designers who advanced in the program who did not deserve to do so. But always, the show managed to keep around those top skilled designers who were most deserving.

This season, however, the program seems to have gone off the rails, almost from the very first episode. There is no way, for instance, that Ari should have been sent home before Mitchell. In fact, Mitchell should have been sent home in each of the first three episodes. The fact that Poodle Bitch actually felt relief when Mitchell did not make it into the fourth episode says much about the judging this season. It has been eccentric. Poodle Bitch does not feel that there is any way that Louise, but most of all Epperson, or Shirin, should have been sent home this early. Not when Christopher, Logan, Gordana, and Althea remain.


Christopher designed something shoddy, and constructed it badly. Saying he should have gone home this week is slightly unfair; he should have gone home long before this.

The poodle companion Irina Shabayeva is so clearly ahead of everyone else that Poodle Bitch has begun to worry she will be sent home next. The only mitigating factor is that Poodle Bitch notes in the teaser for next week's episode, the program will be cut to show that Irina is to be this season's "Kenley."

Yes, in the most recent episode, Irina was called a "b*tch" by Nicholas-- who admitted Irina was a good designer. Poodle Bitch knows that Nicholas intended "the b-word" as an insult, but of course Poodle Bitch does not see it that way. Based on the teaser for next week, Irina will be the "villain" for the duration of her stay. This is rather unfortunate, but it is a television competition. The viewers, Poodle Bitch included, understand the producers can manipulate their days' worth of footage however they want to create a single episode.

Which leads to Poodle Bitch's main problem with the show this year. The producers-- who, according to the program's disclaimer, have a hand in judging decisions-- have been far too visible an influence on the judges. Clearly, Mitchell was kept around for dramatic purposes. Logan was kept last week, while Epperson sent home, to protect the "distracting" dynamic between him and Carol Hannah. Shirin was sent home this week to maintain gender equality. There is no other explanation.


True to form, Logan presented an outfit designed with seemingly no one in mind (no one real, anyway), and stitched it together as if he were lacking opposable thumbs. But the woodland sprite girl Carol Hannah finds him "distracting," so he must be kept on the show.

That said, Poodle Bitch has been utterly mystified by Althea's continued presence. She has done nothing of interest, and has indeed created a couple of quite egregious outfits. Moreover, the producers have found very little footage of her to use the last couple of weeks. One would be forgiven for thinking Althea had already been sent home.

Poodle Bitch is happy to note that she is not the only one to notice the problems with this season. The ratings have taken a serious tumble since the first episode's high.

One factor is that "Runway" has run headfirst into the start of the broadcast fall season, whereas its final Bravo round aired during the summer. Still, "Runway" usually climbs as the finale draws closer no matter what time of year it airs.

Poodle Bitch believes an even more important explanation for the show's continued decline in fortunes is that it has lost sight of what it was. A competition based mostly upon merit. Yes, one or two instigators would get judged less harshly, but the producers' manipulations were always more subtle than they've been this year. The fan base for this show does not come to it for "Flavor of Love" style dramatics. We want to see fantastic garments created by talented designers. Especially this late in the competition. Keeping Mitchell for three episodes was our first sign, but we could only suspect. Sending home Epperson and then Shirin two weeks in a row made it obvious. The producers were trying to make "Project Runway" a different program. Perhaps this was because of the move to Lifetime, or the move to Los Angeles, but whatever the reason, they are losing viewers who are unlikely to return.

As a viewer, it is difficult to take the show seriously anymore. Clearly the producers and judges do not.


Clearly not Shirin's finest moment (and to be fair to her, she was not helped by her sourpuss model), but this rather eclectic look was miles ahead of both Christopher and Logan.

Designs photographs source.

The Sexualization of Dogs Continues

The proverbial ink is not yet dry on Poodle Bitch's most recent lamentation of the sexualization of puppies, and already she has seen something else to cause her further consternation.

"Matching sexy dog costumes for humans and pets."



Poodle Bitch knows of no dogs who want to wear bustiers. That is a uniquely human desire. When it is cold, and a small dog is forced to leave the dwelling in order to "go potty," or if there is a problem with the furnace, then a sweater or other tasteful garment is very much to be appreciated.



This is not tasteful. Poodle Bitch notes the expressions on the faces of the dogs- they betray feelings of confusion mingled with irritation. Clearly, these are dogs that are not in the height of the sexual tickle.

These are dogs being forced by their human companions to partake of fetishes they do not share. These are dogs being treated as props.

Poodle Bitch would like to suggest these humans get a purse. At least then they would have something in which to tote their multiple packages of condoms and lubricants.

Poodle Bitch Wonders if Jessica Simpson's Maltipoo, Daisy, Committed Suicide

Poodle Bitch has already written of her lack of sympathy for Jessica Simpson. It is with Ms. Simpson's now lost Maltipoo Daisy that her sympathies lie. And yet, Poodle Bitch cannot help but note that Ms. Simpson is still attempting to solicit sympathy over the loss of the Maltipoo she used as an accessory:

"Daisy meant the world to me," the star, 29, told Usmagazine.com at the FFANY Shoes on Sale QVC event in NYC Tuesday. "I hold her memory very, very close. It was an unfortunate thing what happened. That I don't have her every day... It's a very hard thing to talk about."

Yes, Ms. Simpson is having such a difficult time of it that she could barely muster the inner courage to attend the "FFANY Shoes on Sale QVC event in NYC." Poodle Bitch wonders, with no small amount of irony, just how it is that Ms. Simpson is able to continue.

Poodle Bitch has been curious about Ms. Simpson ever since her Maltipoo disappeared so mysteriously. Supposedly, the poor creature was carried off by a coyote. To be honest, Poodle Bitch was wondering if it was possible that someone so fame-obsessed might have done away with the Maltipoo herself, in order to get attention.

Poodle Bitch fancies herself the less fussy, poodle version of the television detective Monk.

However, after doing a bit of online research, Poodle Bitch has come to a quite different conclusion: The Maltipoo Daisy might have committed suicide, running headlong into the gaping maw of the coyote rather than have to spend another day as Ms. Simpson's security blanket:

"She won't leave her parents' house," a source says. "Whenever things went wrong, she reached for Daisy. Daisy was her security blanket."
...
"Jessica has a very small inner circle," the friend said. "But she always had Daisy. Daisy gave her the unconditional love she needed."
...
Whenever she was out at night, Jessica Simpson called home and had "someone put Daisy on the phone so she could say goodnight."
...
When Jessica Simpson was having relationship problems, the friend said "she would cry herself to sleep at night, using Daisy as a pillow."
...
Daisy filled a void because "Jessica is very needy. She is very clingy. She is so sweet, but sometimes she's hard to be around."

"It's not always easy. She hates to be alone. That's what happened with Tony. Jessica smothers people. She doesn't really have hobbies."

Clearly, Daisy the Maltipoo was under a great deal of stress. Poodle Bitch has no doubt that the poodle half of Daisy had little patience with such "clinginess." She has no idea how the maltese half of Daisy felt about the situation. Poodle Bitch cannot imagine the unmitigated hell with which Daisy had to deal, as part of the Simpson household, being used a snot rag whenever Ms. Simpson's heart was broken over one of her ongoing romantic or professional disappointments.

Poodle Bitch shudders- and would not blame a Maltipoo for wanting to end it all. In such case, Poodle Bitch finds Ms. Simpson's insistence that Daisy would want her to get another dog to be especially touching:

Simpson still is unsure if she will get a new dog.

"I haven't really thought about another dog yet, but maybe sometime," she told Us. "[Daisy] would want that."

Indeed, Daisy would have wanted that. She would have wanted Ms. Simpson to have gotten another dog a long time before.


This poor puppy never had a chance-- did she eventually decide to take her chances with a coyote rather than spend another minute as Jessica Simpson's snot rag?

Photograph source.