Poodle Bitch Has Almost Given Up on Project Runway

Poodle Bitch had high hopes for "Project Runway" this season. She has always been a fan of the show, ever since she was an adorable puppy during the first season. She saw it as that rare televised reality competition where merit was rewarded. Where skill was treated with respect.

To be sure, there were designers who advanced in the program who did not deserve to do so. But always, the show managed to keep around those top skilled designers who were most deserving.

This season, however, the program seems to have gone off the rails, almost from the very first episode. There is no way, for instance, that Ari should have been sent home before Mitchell. In fact, Mitchell should have been sent home in each of the first three episodes. The fact that Poodle Bitch actually felt relief when Mitchell did not make it into the fourth episode says much about the judging this season. It has been eccentric. Poodle Bitch does not feel that there is any way that Louise, but most of all Epperson, or Shirin, should have been sent home this early. Not when Christopher, Logan, Gordana, and Althea remain.


Christopher designed something shoddy, and constructed it badly. Saying he should have gone home this week is slightly unfair; he should have gone home long before this.

The poodle companion Irina Shabayeva is so clearly ahead of everyone else that Poodle Bitch has begun to worry she will be sent home next. The only mitigating factor is that Poodle Bitch notes in the teaser for next week's episode, the program will be cut to show that Irina is to be this season's "Kenley."

Yes, in the most recent episode, Irina was called a "b*tch" by Nicholas-- who admitted Irina was a good designer. Poodle Bitch knows that Nicholas intended "the b-word" as an insult, but of course Poodle Bitch does not see it that way. Based on the teaser for next week, Irina will be the "villain" for the duration of her stay. This is rather unfortunate, but it is a television competition. The viewers, Poodle Bitch included, understand the producers can manipulate their days' worth of footage however they want to create a single episode.

Which leads to Poodle Bitch's main problem with the show this year. The producers-- who, according to the program's disclaimer, have a hand in judging decisions-- have been far too visible an influence on the judges. Clearly, Mitchell was kept around for dramatic purposes. Logan was kept last week, while Epperson sent home, to protect the "distracting" dynamic between him and Carol Hannah. Shirin was sent home this week to maintain gender equality. There is no other explanation.


True to form, Logan presented an outfit designed with seemingly no one in mind (no one real, anyway), and stitched it together as if he were lacking opposable thumbs. But the woodland sprite girl Carol Hannah finds him "distracting," so he must be kept on the show.

That said, Poodle Bitch has been utterly mystified by Althea's continued presence. She has done nothing of interest, and has indeed created a couple of quite egregious outfits. Moreover, the producers have found very little footage of her to use the last couple of weeks. One would be forgiven for thinking Althea had already been sent home.

Poodle Bitch is happy to note that she is not the only one to notice the problems with this season. The ratings have taken a serious tumble since the first episode's high.

One factor is that "Runway" has run headfirst into the start of the broadcast fall season, whereas its final Bravo round aired during the summer. Still, "Runway" usually climbs as the finale draws closer no matter what time of year it airs.

Poodle Bitch believes an even more important explanation for the show's continued decline in fortunes is that it has lost sight of what it was. A competition based mostly upon merit. Yes, one or two instigators would get judged less harshly, but the producers' manipulations were always more subtle than they've been this year. The fan base for this show does not come to it for "Flavor of Love" style dramatics. We want to see fantastic garments created by talented designers. Especially this late in the competition. Keeping Mitchell for three episodes was our first sign, but we could only suspect. Sending home Epperson and then Shirin two weeks in a row made it obvious. The producers were trying to make "Project Runway" a different program. Perhaps this was because of the move to Lifetime, or the move to Los Angeles, but whatever the reason, they are losing viewers who are unlikely to return.

As a viewer, it is difficult to take the show seriously anymore. Clearly the producers and judges do not.


Clearly not Shirin's finest moment (and to be fair to her, she was not helped by her sourpuss model), but this rather eclectic look was miles ahead of both Christopher and Logan.

Designs photographs source.

Project Runway 6 Episode 8: Why, Judges-- Why?

Before Poodle Bitch gets started with this week’s episode, she feels compelled to mention three Project Runway-related stories that caught her eye this week. First on her list is the announcement that there will be a Project Runway video game on Nintendo Wii. Not having opposable thumbs, Poodle Bitch derives little pleasure from the playing of video games, so she does not. But she knows that there are some games that come equipped with prop machines, such as the ever-popular “Rock Band,” so perhaps the new Project Runway game will come equipped with a button-filled “sewing machine” attachment. She cannot see how a video game would be of interest otherwise, as much as she enjoys the show.

She is not old enough to remember “Fashion Plates,” the toys from the 1980s that allowed users to “design” outfits by placing tiles in a random order, and then placing a paper over said tiles, then rubbing them with a piece of- actually, Poodle Bitch does not know what it was that one rubbed over the tiles. But she wonders why it is that some enterprising company doesn’t bring out a Project Runway Fashion Plates edition. She imagines that there would be much more interest in that than a video game. The PR audience most likely remembers Fashion Plates; how many of them play video games?



The second story had to do with former Project Runway guest judge Lindsay Lohan, who made her debut as an artistic advisor for Emanuel Ungaro, with predictable results.

Poodle Bitch has to admit that the entire show, which can be seen here, is not the complete train-wreck that she thought it would be; the designs presented there were like middling Project Runway creations-- the types of garments that might land a contestant in the bottom three during the first few episodes, but not get her eliminated. Poodle Bitch doubts that is what the Ungaro collection aspired to.


One of the Ungaro designs on which Lindsay Lohan "advised." Poodle Bitch is not surprised.

The third story is the most sinister, and it has caused Poodle Bitch to wonder if she would ever again watch Project Runway. Recently, fugitive Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland on an outstanding warrant issued when he left America just before he was to be sentenced for his guilty plea, in a case in which he admitted to having physical relations with someone not very much older (chronologically) than Poodle Bitch is now. After his arrest, Project Runway producer Harvey Weinstein began circulating a petition for Mr. Polanski’s release.

Poodle Bitch believes Mr. Polanski should be in jail. Mr. Polanski is an admitted attacker of human children, and should be punished. But she understands there are some who believe that somehow Mr. Polanski was victimized by an unjust court system, and an overzealous prosecutor and judge. Fine. Poodle Bitch can agree to disagree on that; she is not a lawyer.

However, rather than leave the matter at that, Mr. Weinstein then went on to say-- when challenged by others who do know something about the American legal system-- that people in Hollywood, such as himself, have a unique insight into the unfairness or fairness of Mr. Polanski’s situation, because they have “the best moral compass:”

"Hollywood has the best moral compass, because it has compassion," Weinstein said. "We were the people who did the fundraising telethon for the victims of 9/11. We were there for the victims of Katrina and any world catastrophe."

Poodle Bitch has spent some time in Hollywood, and has known many people in and around the entertainment industry. She can tell you that, based on the way they treat their assistants, makeup and hair people, boom operators, marketing people, craft services, and etc, their “compassion” does not always extend to those with whom they directly come into contact. In fact, they are capable of a great deal of cruelty toward those they consider "underlings". Moreover, Poodle Bitch knows plenty of people outside of entertainment who gave a great deal of their time and money for victims of the attacks of September 11, 2001, Hurricane Katrina, and the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami. And for them, their compassion required more than just the rearrangement of the schedule so that they could sit for hair and makeup, and appear on a television program exhibiting just how "compassionate" they were.

To Poodle Bitch, Mr. Weinstein’s comment about Hollywood’s “moral compass” had the feel someone who has admitted he might have made a mistake in his initial assessment of a situation, yet is too proud to back away from it, and insists on doubling down rather than admit he might be wrong. She has never met Mr. Weinstein, so she of course has no way of knowing exactly in which direction his “moral compass” points, but she does know that attacking a small child has earned for those less famous life-damaging punishment.

She wonders, where is Mr. Weinstein’s compassion for those people- especially in light of revelations in Mr. Polanski’s own autobiography that he engaged in at the very least "questionable” behavior with very young women- some might even say girls- on other occasions.

Poodle Bitch decided that, despite her misgivings over Mr. Weinstein’s participation, she would watch, for the sake of the poodle companion Irina. She cannot resist- she must see how Irina does with the competition. Early in the episode, she interviews that she understands that there are some who are worried about her, as she has already won two challenges, while many of them have won nothing.


Yes, the other contestants should be worried by the talent and taste of the poodle companion Irina, who has shown with each week that she is one of the top designers.

And Logan interviews that “Irina seems to have this more sophisticated taste that’s been appealing to the judges.” To which Poodle Bitch would reply, in a word that even Logan can understand, “Duh.” She would also add that poodle companions are known for their sophisticated taste. Otherwise, why would a poodle associate with them?

For this week’s challenge, the designers had to create new garments out of divorcee’s wedding dresses. They had their pick from among nine women who had been divorced or in the process of getting divorced for a period of months or several years (more than ten, in a couple of cases). Irina, having won the last challenge- and rightly so- had first pick, and chose the woman whose dress had the most lace.

Shirin, who chose last, had no real choice at all, and was stuck with a simple white 100% polyester dress that yielded very little material for her to work with. Moreover, her “client” wanted something like a Cher “Half-Breed” costume. Shirin, who is Poodle Bitch’s second choice, has better taste than that.


Shirin's "client" wanted something like this. WANTED something like this. Happily, Shirin has taste.

That said, Shrin spent so much of the episode crying, whining, and complaining about it that Poodle Bitch was sure she would either win or be sent home. “It’s hard to show design when you don’t have any fabric.”

Then Gordana, who last week had the benefit of working with Irina on the team challenge, spent a good deal of time crying and recalling her own divorce, and wiped away tears with dye-stained hands as she left a phone message for her children.

Christopher’s design “worries” Mr. Gunn. Christopher attempts to reassure him, but Mr. Gunn remains skeptical.

Mr. Gunn, having fine taste, loves what Irina is doing. “How did you get this gorgeous color?” he asks her. “I think what you’re doing is very exciting. Keep going.”

He is no fool, and Poodle Bitch heartily agrees with his assessment.


Nicolas showed contempt for his "client's" taste, and it showed in this reckless monstrosity of ugly pants topped by a doily.

Mr. Gunn wonders about Epperson’s design. The core of the garment has to be the wedding dress. Ominously, he adds, “You have a lot of decisions to make.” And Epperson’s decision is to totally scrap what he’s been doing and create an entirely new garment. Perhaps, he wonders, he misunderstood the challenge.

Logan says that his “look” is “sort of a play on a tuxedo feel,” with a mumbly voice and little conviction. “This worries me,” Mr. Gunn says, as ominously as he’d said to Epperson. For some reason, Logan is making pants out of wool, or something- something that is not material from the wedding dress, which had a surprisingly long train.

Poodle Bitch wonders what a designer of real skill and talent, such as the put-upon Shirin, might have done with it.


Logan designs ugly clothes, then constructs them poorly. He is a double threat.

Gordana’s work gets a “beautiful” out of Mr. Gunn, and Poodle Bitch has to agree with him. “I want you to keep saying to yourself ‘I’m going to win, I’m going to win,’” he tells her. Poodle Bitch would not go that far, not with Irina in the room, but she appreciates that Mr. Gunn is attempting to inspire Gordana.

But Gordana got to work with Irina last week- shouldn’t that be inspiration enough?

Mr. Gunn offers Shirin a shoulder on which to cry. As she explains what her divorcee wants, the other designers laugh at her. “What?” Mr. Gunn asks, incredulous at the thought of someone wanting to look like Cher’s “Half-Breed” in 2009. “She’s not at risk of going home,” Mr. Gunn tells her. He adds that she should remove the textiles she’s placed on the mannequin and “just play, like it’s a big giant paper doll.”

Or, a Fashion Plate?


Althea's silly blue dress was not the worst this week. Poodle Bitch believes it was a bad week.

Mr. Gunn is not shown speaking to the talentless Althea, the annoying and casually cruel Nicolas (who says that he hates his garment, then tells his “client” that is is “so you”), or the woodland sprite Carol Hannah (who says that she makes her living creating wedding dresses, and so tearing them up to create something else is akin to running into a church and shouting an obsenity). Poodle Bitch does not feel she’s missing much.


Carol Hannah eschewed Woodland Sprite for Flapper Knockoff. Far from Poodle Bitch's least favorite, yet equally far from Poodle Bitch's most favorite.

Michael Kors is still back, but Nina Garcia is nowhere to be found. In her place is a Marie Claire editor, Zanna Roberts, and the president of Jimmy Choo and a board member of Halston, Tamara Mellon. This is off-topic, but upon hearing that Ms. Mellon was a board member of Halston, Poodle Bitch was unable to get the Billy Joel song “Big Shot” out of her head.

There are worse songs to get stuck in one’s head, she supposes. Cher’s “Halfbreed,” for instance.


Given the trauma induced by the lack of material-- and said material being 100% polyester and therefore, according to Shirin undye-able, Poodle Bitch believes that Shirin at least deserved second place after Irina.

Irina’s garment is first down the runway, and that is fitting, because it is Poodle Bitch’s favorite. Next is Shirin, which is again appropriate, since it would have been Poodle Bitch’s second choice. Then comes Logan’s matronly top and wool pants. Poodle Bitch does not wish to be cruel, but these garments have the look of something designed and executed by an incompetent dullard- which is what they are. She feels bad for the “client.” Next is Carol Hannah’s flapper update- Poodle Bitch feels she is flashing back to Gordana’s dress of two weeks ago, updated just slightly enough to keep Carol Hannah out of the bottom three. Althea’s design is a silly light blue dress with dark blue bosoms. She claims that “seeing my dress come down the runway made me feel good,” which should get her disqualified on the spot. At least it is not “stripper chic” such as she sent down the runway last week. Nicolas shows enough self-awareness to claim that his granola-inspired pants and doily shrug top was “a hideous thing,” and Poodle Bitch finds herself liking him in spite of herself. Next is Gordana’s dress, and Poodle Bitch very much likes this one, too. It is both well-made and edgy. Then, Christopher sends down his “client” in a trashbag cinched at the waist. It makes Poodle Bitch feel terrible to look at. Finally, Epperson sends down his voluminous pirate dress.


Gordana's dress is declared the winning design. Poodle Bitch agrees it belonged in the top three- but to win? Over Irina and Shirin?

Gordana is declared the winner, and Poodle Bitch cannot get too upset over that. Irina and Shirin also make the top three, which is a rare moment of good taste from the judges.


Christopher sent his "client" down the runway in a trashbag. This was terrible, but it was not the worst garment this week.

The bottom three are Epperson, Christopher, and Logan. The judges had too many choices for the bottom- in fact, Gordana, Irina, and Shirin had the only garments that Poodle Bitch would consider “good.” The bottom two should have been Christopher and Logan, with Logan, whose work and attitude make Poodle Bitch wonder if he is not mentally challenged, going home.

Instead, the bottom two are Logan and Epperson, and Epperson is the one who gets the boot. Poodle Bitch wonders if Logan is too good-looking to send home this early in the competition. That is the only reason that she can see for sending home Epperson. She truly has no interest in seeing what Logan comes up with in the future.


Poodle Bitch invites the reader to decide- Was this truly the worst design of the week? Or was Epperson cast aside because he handled himself with too much aplomb, and not enough "sex appeal"?

Fashion Plates photograph source.
Project Runway designs photographs source.
Cher Half-Breed photograph source.

Project Runway 6 Episode 7: Who Really Deserves to Be There?

Poodle Bitch today knows true happiness, and the satisfaction that can only come from seeing true justice served on a reality television competition. This week’s seventh episode of “Project Runway” has truly given Poodle Bitch something to smile about.

She will resist the temptation to spoil the episode upfront, and will instead plow into her description of the episode.

It begins with Gordana inaccurately stating that all remaining designers deserve to be here. The irony, of course, is that Gordana herself does not deserve to be there. In Poodle Bitch’s estimation it is the poodle companion Irina, the whimsical Shirin, and the dignified Epperson who most deserve to be there. Beyond those three, Poodle Bitch has seen little to excite her.

Logan moves in with Nicolas, Christopher, and Epperson, and “the four boys” make a pact to try to get rid of “the girls." Talentless Nicolas jokes that they’re targeting Shirin. Poodle Bitch does not believe that Shirin has anything to fear from Nicolas.

Unfortunately, Nicolas has immunity this week, after his undeserved “win” last week.


This week, Althea designed something for the trampy businesswoman who wants easy access for a quick nooner during her lunch break. Poodle Bitch is appalled.

Martine Reardon, from Macy’s, tells the designers that their challenge is to create two designs that will be appropriate for the Macy’s “Inc” line. The winner will be commissioned by Macy’s to create a holiday dress that will be sold by Macy’s online.

Mr. Gunn tells the designers that they will be working in teams of two- each designer will get 15 minutes to create a pitch for Ms. Reardon. Her choices for five best will be team leaders, and will choose from the also-rans who will work under them.

Carol Hannah, who in the first episode claimed to create fashions for woodland sprites, interviews that she feels she has a good chance of winning this challenge because she’s so “down to earth about fashion.” She understands the typical Macy’s shopper, she “can see what they’re looking for.”

Poodle Bitch has only once been to Macy’s, when she was temping for a seeing eye dog, but if Carol Hannah is in touch with the typical Macy’s shopper, Poodle Bitch has little incentive to return.

Louise is surprised by how subdued the Inc line is. Her plan of creating something more outrageous will have to wait.

Ms. Reardon displays good taste by selecting poodle companion Irina as the first team captain. No surprise that Irina created the best pitch, and got the first selection.

With her second choice, Ms. Reardon displays an erratic nature, by choosing Irina’s nemesis, the lackluster and dull Althea. Althea interviews how wonderful it is for her to be chosen as “the boss” for yet another team challenge. Poodle Bitch would advise her not to let it go to her head; she is still a terrible designer.

Ms. Reardon’s third choice shows her to be almost worrisomely bizarre, when she selects the woodland sprite girl Carol Hannah. Apparently she is in touch with the typical Macy’s shopper.

Ms. Reardon seems to be on firmer ground, to Poodle Bitch’s estimation, with her fourth choice, Christopher.


Christopher's "disco pumpkin." Poodle Bitch can easily imagine that phrase entering the vernacular of the club scene. She hears that the Scissor Sisters are already working on a song with that title.

Fifth is Louise. That gets a “wow” out of Mr. Gunn. Poodle Bitch wonders if the comment was for Louise specifically, or for the fact that only one of the four team captains was truly worthy of the honor bestowed upon them?

Althea selects Logan; Christopher takes Epperson; Louise suffers a lapse in judgment and selects Nicolas,; Irina, troublingly, cannot decide between Gordana and Shirin, and asks them to decide. Being no dummy, Gordana says, “I like (to) work with you,” and a team is formed; Carol Hannah is therefore left with Shirin. There is no way that Shirin should have been chosen last. Poodle Bitch has a hard time believing that Shirin did not also present one of the five best designs. Poodle Bitch wonders about Ms. Reardon’s eye.

Poodle Bitch must say she is disappointed by Irina’s indecision. At mood, she seems to let Gordana get the best of her, while the partner she should have had, Shirin, is footloose and fancy free with the woodland sprite girl.

At least she didn’t forget her money and drawing, as Louise did.

Woodland sprite girl is worried about delegating the work. Along those same lines, Irina interviews that team challenges are aggravating, because she has to do her portion of the work, and look over the other person’s shoulder. Poodle Bitch is starting to worry that the show is being edited in such a way as to prepare for an Irina exit.

Nicolas complains to Althea about Louise’s design. But he does like her bird noises. Louise seems to have waited until very late in the game, or the producers decided to wait until now to show us, just how “quirky” she really is. Yes, Louise makes bird noises when she works, along with a few others that Poodle Bitch found indecipherable. Perhaps she was mimicking the sounds of a disappointed sewing machine- one that is not employed in the creation of garments by the lovely poodle companion Irina?

Epperson tells Christopher that, unlike his previous team challenge, he actually respects his partner. Christopher is incorporating Epperson’s ideas into the design. “It’s us,” he says. Now, of course, Poodle Bitch is starting to worry about Christopher and Epperson.

Mr. Gunn doesn’t like leggings, as he tells team woodland sprite. Yet he concedes that the team’s designs have the potential to knock people’s socks off.

He is concerned about the ruffle on Louise’s dress. He trusts them to catch anything that goes awry.

He likes Althea’s unstereotypical woman’s suit.

He exposes fissures in the team of Irina and Gordana.

He loves Christopher’s shirt dress, except for the textiles. It shows a lot of “potential for reinvention.” Naturally, Christopher and Epperson are over the moon about the compliment.

Irina worries that Gordana’s dress is “sort of a disaster.”

Nicolas complains that “ruffles make me sick.” They were created to hide flaws, he says. Poodle Bitch must grudgingly admit that she agrees with him, to a certain extent. She is not made ill by ruffles, but she is not a designer. Perhaps if she were, she would feel more strongly about them.

She feels very strongly about black olives.

Woodland sprite has a “mini freak out” in her head. She apparently does that every night. Irina says their stuff looks like “it was like bought in a discount store.” Poodle Bitch would not be quite so harsh in her assessment; but, the designs do not compare favorably with Irina’s.


Poodle Bitch is curious as to just how much Shirin did to make Team Woodland Sprite's designs so palatable to her. She finds it difficult to believe that Carol Hannah could have come up with clothing that did not thoroughly irritate Poodle Bitch's sensibilities.

Next day, Irina interviews that she is not nervous. Yet, her dress makes her feel sad, because of the blue.

Gordana is frustrated by what she terms a “lack of direction” from Irina. This is not good. Poodle Bitch is again feeling nervous about Irina’s chances.

Christopher believes his is “the dream team.” Nicolas is glad he has immunity.

Poodle Bitch is quite happy to see that Michael Kors is back. Zanna Roberts, senior fashion editor for Marie Claire magazine is sitting in for the sadly absent Nina Garcia, and Martine Reardon is the last other judge.

Heidi says “one or more will be out.” The contestants give one another ominous, portentous looks. Will two of them be going home? Three? If they sent home everyone who didn’t “deserve to be there,” then, at least according to Gordana, none of them will be going home.

Irina is content, and Gordana confident, with their designs.


Irina's beautiful dress. What is there to say other than, Poodle Bitch wishes she were human, if only for five minutes, so that she could luxuriate in it? As it is, she would be happy to lay upon it, on her pillow under the bed.

Logan’s and Althea’s skirt keeps riding up the model’s legs. It is the first interesting thing that either of them has been involved with on the show.

The rest of the designs are rather unmemorable, Poodle Bitch has to say. At least, she can’t remember any of them.

Irina and Gordana, and Woodland Sprite and Shirin, have the highest scores. Poodle Bitch is relieved and delighted.

Irina tells the judges that she wanted Gordana to come out of her shell more. Gordana is a designer, and she should take Irina’s “lack of direction” as a compliment. Irina did not believe that Gordana needed a lot of direction. Heidi tells Irina that she would wear her dress today. “You actually gave us a pattern,” Michael Kors says.

The judges are complimentary to the team woodland sprite designs as well, but Poodle Bitch is too happy to hear Irina’s compliments to pay them much attention.

As for the lowest scores, Louise and Nicolas leave the judges confused. The ruffles are very overstated. “This looks like a bride’s maid’s dress with a shower loofah rouched up the front of it,” Michael Kors says. “No modern girl wants to wear that dress.”

Heidi tells Nicolas he’s lucky he has immunity.

Heidi is blown away by what Epperson and Christopher put together. This is not a compliment. Part of his dress looks like it has a bib at the top. The shirtdress, the one that Mr. Gunn said had the potential to be reinventive, looks like a librarian’s shirt dress from 1979, according to Mr. Kors. “It looks like a tablecloth.” The other is a “teal, charmuse disco pumpkin… Did you really think they went together? They don’t.”

Christopher starts to cry. But it is too difficult to feel sorry for him, for-

Irina wins! Poodle Bitch could not be happier. Once again, for some reason, the judges made the proper decision. (Could it be because Michael Kors has returned? No- Poodle Bitch seems to recall that he was around during at least one of the weeks when Mitchell was retained.) Poodle Bitch is pleased.


Poodle companion Irina and the dress she designed for Macy's Inc line.

Louise and Christopher are in the bottom two. Heidi informs them “one, or both of you, will be out.” She then witheringly puts them in their place. She uses language that is so brutal that Poodle Bitch is surprised that either of them is able to remain standing.

Unsurprisingly, Louise is out. Also unsurprisingly, Christopher remains to design another day. Did they really think we would fall for that “one or more of you will be out” statement?


Poodle Bitch wonders if Louise's design was so much worse than the stripper chic Althea sent tramping down the runway?

Irina and Inc dress photograph source.
Design photographs source.

Project Runway 6 Episode 6: Life is Unfair, and So Are the Judges

The designers are taken to a movie studio lot- it looks like it might be the Fox lot, but Poodle Bitch is unsure. She does not regularly visit studio lots; she is not one of the “beautiful poodles.” Tim Gunn and Collier Strong tell the designers that their next challenge will be to choose a film genre, and create an outfit for a character from that genre.

As the winner of the previous challenge (and deservedly so), poodle companion Irina is given the chance to select first. She rather sensibly chooses film noir. Poodle Bitch has to say that she is a bit disappointed; Irina has immunity, and could really have let her “inhibitions run wild” (sorry, she has Rod Stewart on the brain, for some reason) with something like science fiction; but, no matter. Irina is the top designer, and Poodle Bitch has faith.

The designers’ names are pulled from a bag at random by Mr. Gunn.

Logan chooses action adventure. Given the way some of the models talk about Logan on “Models of the Runway,” Poodle Bitch is sure that they will disappointed that “pornography” was not a genre up for selection.

Carol Hannah does not pick woodland fairy, she , too, chooses action adventure. Perhaps she’ll make something for Legolas?

Ra’mon takes science fiction. He interviews that he grew up watching “sci fi,” and knows all about “Star Wars” and “Star Trek.” Poodle Bitch is not a snob about speculative fiction like a certain human with whom she lives, so she will refrain from making comments on the science fictional worth of the two “Star” series, “Wars” and “Trek.”

Louise goes obvious and selects “film noir.” “That has your name written all over it,” as Mr. Gunn says. Poodle Bitch has watched enough reality to know that this is what’s called “foreshadowing.”

Althea also chooses film noir, and now Poodle Bitch is confused. She thought there were only two of each genre. How can poodle companion Irina, Louise, and dull as dishwater Althea all select the same genre?

Gordana selects period piece.

Nicolas unsurprisingly selects science fiction. Did he not do some kind of ridiculous straight out of Philip K Dick’s most fevered Valis inspired nightmare outfit last week?


Nicolas designed these (along with Gordana, in fairness to him- but he did most of the design work) a few weeks ago. Poodle Bitch believes no comment is necessary- this criticizes itself.

Christopher selects period piece.

This leaves two “westerns” left, for Shirin and Epperson. No one wanted to do any western-inspired outfits, for some reason. Poodle Bitch thinks this might be an interesting way for certain designers to stand out. She has to admit that “film noir” is probably a bit too easy for most of these designers.

Epperson complains that he wanted “period piece,” but Poodle Bitch would like to point out that, by definition, westerns are period pieces. It is all in how one looks at it.

The designers are immediately taken off the (Fox?) lot and back to the Fashion Institute, which makes little sense to Poodle Bitch. Why bother taking them to the lot in the first place, if they’re only going to spend five minutes picking genres? They could have done that at the Institute. Even worse, the designers are informed that this is a one-day challenge. They have until midnight tonight to finish. So they spent two hours each way, in traffic, traveling to the lot that served only as a pretty backdrop, and now have until midnight to create their clothing?

Epperson begins by thinking of John Wayne, which won’t help him to design a gown.

Shirin starts thinking “saloon girl.” Poodle Bitch is a big fan of the television show “Deadwood,” and she does not understand why these designers are so down on western wear. There is plenty of interest to be done with it.

Carol Hannah is foregoing the “woodland sprite” look, and doing a sexy assassin. Poodle Bitch would ironically point out that that hasn’t been done before.

Logan apparently has a crush on Carol Hannah. “She’s nice to have around,” he interviews, with timid charm. Regular viewers of “Models of the Runway” know that Logan could have his pick from among almost any of the models, so his interest in Carol Hannah is both unfortunate and misplaced. Regardless, Poodle Bitch hopes that he has a happy life.

Oh, and Logan is designing a “military esque-slash-like sword fighter.” This is just another way of saying “sexy assassin look.”

For her part, Carol Hannah thinks Logan is “distracting” and “hot.” Don’t get burned!

Nicolas says that he’s out in fantasy land. In his own world. Given his feelings about his own work, Poodle Bitch would agree with that.

Althea says she likes “the sort of femme fatale woman, very sort of classic, edgy.” Poodle Bitch would like to point out to Althea that “femme fatale woman” is a redundancy, and there is very little that is “edgy” about a fashion designer being inspired by films noir. If Althea really were “edgy,” she would have selected “western” as her genre. As it is, Poodle Bitch is far more interested to see what “Trekker” Ra’mon comes up with.

Irina feels she doesn’t need immunity.

Christopher worries his interpretation of “period piece” might confuse the judges. If someone like, say, Nicolas who makes the same thing over and over again and has very little in the way of actual inspiration, were to say this, Poodle Bitch might consider it an example of hubris, but given Christopher’s relative skill, and the way the judges have judged this season, Poodle Bitch shares his concern.

Epperson makes the valid point that Poodle Bitch had been thinking. “’Western’ is a ‘period’,” he says. But it is his job to make “western” an exclamation.


Epperson has been creating good designs from the first episode. Why has he not yet won any of the challenges?

Someone keeps stealing Louise’s bobbins. Even as she sews, she is still working on her concept. More foreshadowing. Poodle Bitch is beginning to worry for her.

Mr. Gunn doesn’t like Christopher’s bare-armed gown for his Victorian vampire bride.

Epperson has embraced the western genre. “Annie get your gun,” Mr. Gunn says appreciatively. He is seduced by Epperson’s ruffles. Poodle Bitch would love to make something that seduces Tim Gunn.

Ra’mon’s human alien hybrid skin-like jumpsuit could be “sublime, or a big, hot mess.”

Louise needs to be less minimal.

Nicolas is told to exaggerate and go bigger. Poodle Bitch agrees. Nicolas is dull. He is so dull that part of his time with Mr. Gunn is taken up with an expression of worry about Ra’mon’s design. When Nicolas thinks of “sci fi,” he thinks of beautiful, not Godzilla. Ra’mon is twice the designer you are, Nicolas. Ra’mon is skilled and serious. You are silly.

But now Ra’mon is second-guessing himself. “It’s Kermit the frog gone wrong.” He’s going to start from scratch. A dress? A coat? Despite the fact that Ra’mon almost single-handedly saved Mitchell from elimination in the third episode, Poodle Bitch is beginning to worry about him.

Irina barely finishes her dress. Poodle Bitch has to say that she is not heartened by the small glimpses she has gotten from the editing.

This week’s judges are John Varvatos (Poodle Bitch is unsure of who he is, but she seems to vaguely recall finding herself on his email list, for some reason), Marie Claire editor Zoe Glassner , and Academy Award nominated designer Arianne Phillips.

Poodle Bitch needn’t have worried. Irina’s model looks dangerous and elegant.

Carol Hannah’s model looks like a character from “The Matrix.” Excuse Poodle Bitch while she yawns.

The same can be said for Logan’s. It looks like their pillow talk involved exchanging design ideas.


Ra'mon won such praise for the tiedye dress, which almost saved Mitchell. Can he go back to the well again (or, should Poodle Bitch say "toilet"? she has read that the above dress was dyed in one).

Oh, how Poodle Bitch wants to love Ra’mon’s design- and she does. Alas, it is the execution that lets him down. It looks like it was thrown together at the last minute, as it likely was.

Poodle Bitch’s favorites were Irina, Epperson Christopher, and Ra’mon. Her least favorites were Carol Hannah, Logan, and Nicolas. Irina, Carol Hannah, and Logan ended up in the middle, and are excused from the runway.

The judges think Gordana’s design is too dull, and too derivative. Poodle Bitch agrees.

Nicolas’s silly ice queen dress impresses the judges, for some reason. “Clever, bold, and risky,” Zoe says. Poodle Bitch would use the more appropriate adjectives, “Uninspired, safe, and boring” to describe the outfit. The hair and makeup, on the other hand, are quite interesting.

They call Louise’s dress boring and unspecial. This after praising Nicolas. Poodle Bitch wonders how it is that we are to take the judges seriously. Where is Michael Kors? Where is Nina Garcia?

Christopher’s mixing of eras gets praise from the judges.

The judges don’t like Ra’mon’s dress, much as they like his story. “Hot green mess,” Heidi says.

They did like Epperson’s denim and leather dress, with it seductive ruffles.

But it’s Nicolas’s ice queen that “blew away” the judges. How could the judges have gotten it so right last week, and so wrong this week? Nicolas’s dress might have been well-made, but it showed none of the inspiration of Ra’mon’s.

Ra’mon is sent home. Poodle Bitch cannot believe it. The judges must be smoking something that takes away their common sense. Carol Hannah, Logan, Althea, Gordana, and Nicolas are all far lesser designers, who "played it safe." Yet they are given passes, and in Nicolas's case, an undeserved victory.

This season has certainly tested Poodle Bitch. She understands that life is unfair, and the best designers are often treated shabbily by the vaguaries of fate, but must “Project Runway” so closely mirror that fact?

Ra'mon design picture source.
Nicolas design picture source.
Epperson design picture source.

Project Runway 6 Episode 5: Utterly Preposterous Spewing of Fiction

Tonight’s episode of Project Runway took Poodle Bitch back to her days as a Poodle Pup, living in that small apartment on beautiful Cahuenga Blvd. She did not care to go for walks in the evening, and so she was paper-trained. Tonight, the designers had to create garments using newspaper.

Poodle Bitch finds that a bit silly- the paper is for dog dirt, not for high fashion.

But before the designers were given their rather silly assignment, the poodle companion Irina, Poodle Bitch’s unabashed favorite, perfectly expressed Poodle Bitch’s sentiments regarding Althea’s questionably winning garment from last week. “I was in utter shock,” she said. (Poodle Bitch would like to tell Irina that she should not be shocked by anything the judges decide, given the fact that Mitchell lasted into the third episode.) “I’ll be the first one to congratulate anyone that wins, if I feel like it was well-earned. And that wasn’t.”


Is it any wonder that Poodle Bitch loves the poodle companion Irina?

Poodle Bitch could not agree more. Irina’s, Louise’s, and Epperson’s garments were all far superior.

Nicolas however is incurring Poodle Bitch’s ire by interviewing that Irina is “slowly creeping up [his] list” of unworthies, along with Johnny.

Nicolas: Poodle Bitch cannot remember a single garment you’ve designed. Your opinion is as irrelevant as you are.

Do you have a poodle, Nicolas? Then Poodle Bitch would like to respectfully suggest that you lick yourself.

The delightful Tim Gunn takes the designers to the Los Angeles Times, that coupon distribution pamphlet that Poodle Bitch remembers so fondly from her days in the Cahuenga apartment. He leads them to the printing press, where they are introduced to Booth Moore, LA Times Fashion critic. She tells the designers they will use actual newspaper pages in the creation of their garments.

Poodle Bitch supposes that, given the declining circulation numbers for printed newspapers, this is a rather desperate grab at sales.

Nicolas interviews that he is “speechless” at the prospect of using newspapers for fabric. Poodle Bitch would like to ask him why he could not have been “speechless” when he was expressing his pathetic opinion of her favorite designer Irina, and, she would further like to ask him what he expected from “Project Runway”?

These types of “challenges” are typical. If you’re rendered “speechless” before you’ve even begun creating your garment, then maybe you should sew your mouth shut regarding the other designers.

It is only too bad that no one bit Nicolas during the three minutes the designers were given to gather newspaper. Only Poodle Bitch’s favorite designer, Irina, remains calm and cool. “What are you guys doing?” she wonders. “You’re dressing a human, not an elephant.”

Poodle Bitch again finds herself in agreement, although she does wish that the designers had to create something for a poodle. Specifically, a Poodle Bitch.

Back at the Fashion Institute, Mr. Gunn gives the viewers a helpful history of paper clothing. Poodle Bitch was unaware that the first paper dress was created in 1968. She also didn’t realize that it caused, in Mr. Gunn’s inimitable phrasing, “quite a fervor.”

Althea says that working with paper is like “starting at the bottom.” Given Althea’s previous design efforts, Poodle Bitch would tend to agree with her.

Nicolas fears he will be going home. “I seriously have no idea what I’m doing,” he interviews. Again, Poodle Bitch agrees. He hasn’t had much in the way of ideas all season long.

Irina, true to her nature, is cool and collected. “I’m going to mix materials, and colors, and sort of really make it look like fabric,” she says, sensibly. “It doesn’t have to look like newspaper.”

The others could learn from her.

Shirin shellacks. This apparently causes the others consternation. She’s also quite loquacious and expressive, and if Poodle Bitch didn’t already back Irina, she would happily back this charming young woman.


Poodle Bitch very much likes the fun, whimsical and just-kooky-enough-to-be-charming-but-not-enough-to-be-annoying Shirin.

Giordana wants to create a political statement, but Poodle Bitch is happy to see Mr. Gunn provide her with his usual sensible and insightful encouragement. There is no need to be quite so glum, and quite so stern, despite her accent.

Mr. Gunn tells Althea he is “disappointed” in what she’s creating. Poodle Bitch wonders how he could be disappointed in someone who consistently creates sloppy and unmemorable garments.

Johnny’s “craft project gone awry” makes Mr. Gunn “woeful.” To Poodle Bitch, this is just further evidence that no one on television is more insightful, nor more clever, nor is blessed with a better vocabulary, than Mr. Gunn. She could listen to him expound on any topic, at any time.

Poodle Bitch would love to hear him tell her bedtime stories. She would not even crawl under the bed until he was finished.

“It looks like a bunch of kindergartners did it,” Mr. Gunn concludes. Johnny crumples his dress and starts over.

Mr. Gunn is such a gentleman that he does not even kick Nicolas in the shin when advising him. He tells him that he thinks Nicolas has a great trajectory going. Poodle Bitch would point out that trajectory means nothing if the ultimate destination is… whatever Nicolas is designing.

“The nineties… the millennium version of punk rock,” Nicolas says. Poodle Bitch is already bored with his design. “Punk rock”? Really?

Johnny apparently took Mr. Gunn’s advice so hard that he has given up and is doing crossword puzzles. An iron sputtered and ruined his garment, he claims. No one believes him. Poodle Bitch remembers that this is the same man who threatened to quit on the first episode.

Ironically, he interviews, “I don’t really care what the other designers think of me. I don’t give a damn. Get over it.” Poodle Bitch would give him the same advice. Stop doing crossword puzzles and “get over it.”

And how ridiculous is Althea? “I can’t tell if Irina’s is good or not,” she confides to Ra’mon. Poodle Bitch cares not for people who need to be told what to think. Should she like it? Should she not? Is it good? Ra’mon, what do you think?

Once again, Michael Kors is absent. This week, in his place is Tommy Hilfiger. Zoe Glassner from Marie Claire is filling in for Nina Garcia, and Eva Longoria Parker, who is an actress on a show that Poodle Bitch does not watch.

Ra’mon’s design is very good. Shirin’s is whimsical and fun. Christopher’s was impressive. And of course, Irina’s crinkle trenchcoat is fashionable, couture, and simple in a pleasing way. Once again, she is Poodle Bitch’s favorite. The rest were unimpressive.

Althea’s unmoving design is chosen as a favorite. The judges are blind- that is the only way that Poodle Bitch can explain their love of Althea’s work.

Happily, Irina’s coat is selected as a favorite. Finally, Irina takes her rightful place at the top. Tommy Hilfiger pays her the ultimate compliment when he tells her it is “the new alternative to fur- newspaper.”

Poodle Bitch says that should get Irina the win right there.

Johnny makes excuses for his pathetic dress, then says “I’m not making excuses.” Again, with the sputtering iron. “The other dress was hardcore… it was Dior.”

“It was a red mess,” Nicolas says. Poodle Bitch agrees with Nicolas, as much as it pains her to admit.

The judges say that Nicolas’s dress looks like an insect.

The judges love Christopher’s creative, sexy, glamorous dress. “If you squint, it looks like feathers,” says Eva Longoria etc. Poodle Bitch wonders why you would want to squint when looking at a nice dress.

Poodle Bitch is very happy that Irina’s “originality and risk-taking” (according to Ms. Heidi Klum herself) earned her a win. Finally, the judges have removed their blinders and seen for themselves what Poodle Bitch is happy to say she’s seen from the beginning—

That the poodle companion Irina is the designer to beat this season. She has the taste and refinement that only a poodle companion can possess. She has the skill to give life to that taste and refinement. She has the creativity to match the skill.

“I finally won; it’s past due, I feel like,” she interviews.

Poodle Bitch agrees, and congratulates her on her well-deserved win.

She says so long to Johnny and his sputtering iron. Poodle Bitch does not believe he wanted to be there, anyway.

But she must say that she is astonished to hear Mr. Gunn call Johnny out on his "sputtering iron."

"I am incredulous at that utterly preposterous spewing of fiction that Johnny did on the runway. It was ridiculous."

Poodle Bitch cannot imagine what it would be like to be called out in such a way by the elegant and gentlemanly Tim Gunn. But she must admit that Johnny deserved it.


Poodle Bitch believes that no one should lie in the presence of the honest gentleman Tim Gunn, a man of rare integrity.

Shirin picture source.
Irina picture source.
Tim Gunn picture source.

Project Runway 6 Episode 4 Ticket to the Future

Poodle Bitch had to wait a full five days before she could bring herself to watch the most recent episode of Project Runway. She was filled with uncharacteristic resentment over the elimination of the questionable Mitchell. No, Poodle Bitch was not upset that he was finally eliminated. She was upset that he was not eliminated in the first episode.

She was upset that he was cast on the show at all. Her heart goes out to the dozens of talented designers out there who sent in audition tapes and never heard back from the producers, in favor of a man with little imagination whose sewing skills are worse than Poodle Bitch’s.

And Poodle Bitch lacks opposable thumbs.

This week, Heidi cryptically tells the designers that Mr. Gunn is awaiting them in the workroom with thirteen people who need to be made “very happy.” Nicolas muses that the thirteen people they’ll be designing for could be anyone, from homeless people to—Eskimos.

Poodle Bitch was unaware that people still used that particular word to describe Inuits. Perhaps she should look that up.

But the “Eskimos” turn out to be the designers’ models. They’ve been invited to “an industry event,” as Mr. Gunn says, and then adds, “And what they wear could very well be their ticket to the future.”

At this mentioning of “the future,” Poodle Bitch cannot help but cast her mind back to the gone but not forgotten handstand woman, who in the first episode designed a look for someone attending both the MTV awards and the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony circa 2080.

For this foresight, handstand woman was eliminated. The unfortunate Mitchell remained. And now, here is her perfect challenge.

Then Mr. Gunn informs them that the producers are taking this “ticket to the future” challenge so seriously that the designers will have only one day to complete it, and a budget of $100. They’ll also be given 30 minutes to “caucus” with their clients.

Poodle companion Irina’s model is, as Irina puts it “apprehensive, just because she’s not sure exactly what she wants.” In that case, Poodle Bitch believes that the model is in just the right hands. Irina’s taste is refined and dignified, just as one would expect from a poodle companion.

“She’s very indecisive, so I’ll have to coach her into feeling comfortable with it.”

There is no other designer Poodle Bitch would rather have coaching her into feeling comfortable with anything.

With the other models and designers relationships, Poodle Bitch notices a pattern: The models have questionable desires as clients, and the designers don’t want to create anything that would make them uncomfortable and face elimination.

Althea is going to make her model look like Greta Garbo, complete with a “cigarette jacket.”

“Flowy. Strong. Punk. Cocktail. Tiger” is what Epperson’s model wanted. His design gets some encouraging words from Mr. Gunn, and Poodle Bitch has to say she’s impressed by what he’s doing, based on the seemingly random series of words that his model gave him for inspiration.

Qrystil’s design looks “messy.” Mr. Gunn then says, “It just looks like she’s been rolling around in bed.” Poodle Bitch could not have said it better herself.

Logan doesn’t want his Smurf Prom Dress design to look like a smurf prom dress. “Don’t use that word again!” Mr. Gunn declares. “Don’t put it in anybody’s head!”

What he’s not telling you is that poor Mr. Tim Gunn was traumatized by smurfs as a child.

Mr. Gunn wonders if Carol Hannah’s design isn’t robbing her model of her youth. Considering that Carol Hannah is the one who claims to design clothing for woodland sprites, this might be a literal concern. Could she actually cast a spell of enchantment, Poodle Bitch wonders. Could Carol Hannah be evil woodland sprite designer?

Poodle Bitch is deeply touched to witness Epperson speaking on the phone with his wife and children. But not nearly so touched as Epperson seems to be, as returns to his sewing teary eyed and trembling with emotion.

The judging panel this week consisted of Heidi and three other people Poodle Bitch had never heard of. Where, she wonders, is Michael Kors?

Again, Poodle Bitch’s favorite is the design of poodle companion Irina. Everyone else’s, to Poodle Bitch’s eye, looks half-hearted.

Except, Louise and Ra’mon. Poodle Bitch must admit that these two have also crafted worthy garments.

She notes that none of her choices made the judges’ top. Woodland sprite woman did, which tells you something about the judges. Epperson’s elegant punk tiger dress was also a top judges’ choice. Althea’s silly suit was another top choice.

Poodle Bitch must say she is mystified. She would wear none of these clothes.

Logan’s Smurf Prom Dress came across to the judges as a prom dress. Johnny’s flirty purple is described by Heidi as “bridesmaid.” Another judge calls it “wearable.” A third complains that it’s “too accessible.” Qrystil’s frumpy black dress aged her model ten years. “That’s like dog years,” Heidi says. Poodle Bitch is unsure if that is meant to be an insult.

Althea’s silliness was declared the winner. This is not as big a travesty as Mitchell’s not being eliminated in the first round; nevertheless, Poodle Bitch hardly feels confident in the judges.

Qrystil is out. Poodle Bitch couldn’t be happier, as she never really learned how to spell her name.

Project Runway 6 Episode 3: Poodle Bitch is Relieved

On last week’s episode of “Models of the Runway,” Mitchell, the luckiest contestant in “Project Runway” history (Poodle Bitch has a dog's memory), assured the models that landing in the bottom two in each of the first two episodes had taught him a lesson. Poodle Bitch was dubious. It was not just the smirk on Mitchell’s face- it was the wavering, simpering tone of voice used. If Mitchell told Poodle Bitch that tomatoes were delicious, she would not believe him.

Later in the third episode, Poodle Bitch would be proven right to be dubious. She would be proven right many times. The setting for the first proof would be the beach, as the designers are taken to Santa Monica where they are treated to two wonderful sights. The ocean, and Tim Gunn in flip flops.

Christopher says he’s never seen the ocean before. Ordinarily that would elicit a rowr from Poodle Bitch, but Tim Gunn is wearing flip flops.


This man wore flip flops in this episode. If he shows up in crocs next week, Poodle Bitch will bite her television.

Poodle Bitch is so distracted by this sight that she has completely forgotten how perturbed she is that Mitchell is still infecting the competition. Alas, Mitchell is selected as a team leader for this challenge when the flip flopped Tim Gunn draws his name from a hat.

The challenge, by the way, that Poodle Bitch was barely able to hear over the din of Tim Gunn is wearing flip flops that kept repeating in her head, was for the designers to create a “fun and fashionable surfwear look.” It must be totally infused with the designer’s points of view as designers.

These surfwear looks that will be infused with their points of view (Poodle Bitch wonders if everything these designers create shouldn’t be “infused with their points of view”) will be created by teams of twos. Last week’s winner Shirin get to choose first, and Tim draws names to determine team leaders.

Shirin foolishly and inscrutably picks Carol the woodland sprite woman. Why the woodland sprite woman would be chosen over Poodle Bitch’s favorite designer, the poodle companion Irina, is beyond Poodle Bitch’s ability to reason out.

Logan picks Christopher. Again, Poodle Bitch is left to wonder. Irina is Poodle Bitch’s favorite. This must be a “bros before talented designers” choice.

Nicholas picks Giordana. Nicholas clearly wanted to work with someone who has a thicker accent than his, Poodle Bitch observers with some irritation over the fact that Irina still has not been chosen.

Mitchell picks Ra’mon. In his interview, he offers evidence that he has not “learned his lesson,” as he lied to the models: “I wanted to work with someone who would carry me on this challenge.” This after last week he just wanted to get by.


Did Ra'mon think this was a good look? Do designers often dress like it's still the 1980s, Poodle Bitch wonders.

Again Poodle Bitch wonders why the handstand woman and the Androgynous Egg had to go so early, so that Mitchell, who doesn’t seem to even want to win, keeps getting a pass.

At least he did not choose to burden Irina by working with her.

Althea picks Louise, since she was “in the top three last time.” She also happens to be a good designer and sewer, as Poodle Bitch would point out. But she is no Irina.

Qristyl chooses Epperson. Not Irina.

Johnny chooses Irina. Irina is the only one left. Poodle Bitch’s favorite is selected last. This brings back painful memories for Poodle Bitch. No- she was never chosen last for anything, but she always felt bad for those who were.

At mood, Mitchell is worried, because Ra’mon is choosing material that he considers “ugly.” Poodle Bitch believes this is sound policy for choosing material. Whatever Mitchell thinks is ugly should be purchased.

Epperson and Qristyl give each other headaches, literally. Epperson complains that he needs a Tylenol, and Qristyl tells him she’s already taken one. Poodle Bitch can see that Epperson and Qristyl are headed for trouble, and will likely play a large role in the end of the episode.

Surely, Poodle Bitch wonders, It won’t be Epperson and Qristyl in the bottom two? Will Mitchell pass into the next round?

Three hours before the end of the day, Tim tells the teams they have to create an “avante garde” design to correspond to their present looks. This is a message from Heidi and the judges- Tim would never pull this type of dirty trick.

Qristyl is insulted that Epperson is taking over their team. Apparently, Qristyl doesn’t pay attention to her own designs, because she needs Epperson to take over their team. Poodle Bitch would like to remind Qrystil that it was only by luck of the draw that she ended up as a team captain. She would also like to inform Qristyl that having an unusually designed name makes her a good designer. All it does is make Poodle Bitch irritated about having to type it.

Mitchell moans that he has a lot of good ideas, but he doesn’t have the skills to execute them. Poodle Bitch thinks that he is half right- he has a lot of bad ideas, but doesn’t have the skills to execute them.

Ra’mon moans that Mitchell isn’t even trying to win. A lack of focus? Inability to sew? Yes to both. When Nicholas jokes that he can’t wait to see Mitchell go, Mitchell is so lacking in seriousness that he laughs along with him. Poodle Bitch points to this as yet another sign that he has not learned his lesson, despite the lie he told the models.

Tim says that Mitchell’s and Ra’mon’s designs look like a superhero and a Greek goddess. Ra’mon scraps his wetsuit-inspired jumpsuit, and comes up with something totally different, using material that looks to Poodle Bitch like something from which one might fashion a chew toy. Poodle Bitch approves of this.

Ra’mon is working on both pieces, and “trying to keep Mitchell focused.” This is unfair, as he complains, and he’s right.

Tim tells him to resurrect the scuba suit. 35 minutes before the runway show, Ra’mon is still dying chew toy fabric for his “avant garde” look.

Qrystil interviews that she will throw Epperson under the bus. She will tell the judges that she had everything worked over by Epperson. Poodle Bitch wonders why it is that Qristyl thinks this is a sound strategy. To admit that you, as the team leader, were walked on by your partner is Mitchell strategy.

Guest judges Max Azria and Rachel Bilson. Poodle Bitch has little so say about this, except to point out that Max Azria designs clothing with Miley Cyrus, and Rachel Bilson wears clothing like this:


Poodle Bitch actually does not hate this look. Rachel Bilson is significantly more stylish than the guest judge of the first episode, Lindsay Lohan.

Poodle Bitch doesn’t appreciate Johnny’s influence over her favorite Irina. Nonetheless, their designs are Poodle Bitch’s favorite.

Ra’mon is in shock that his and Mitchell’s team is in the top two with Poodle Bitch’s beloved Irina and her negative influence Johnny. Poodle Bitch thinks it is safe to say that most viewers share that feeling.

Mitchell admits on the runway that Ra’mon did pretty much everything. Clearly, he has given up. Poodle Bitch feels almost sorry for him, except that he took a spot on the show that might have been taken by someone with real talent and drive, who would have made the most of the opportunity. Poodle Bitch therefore feels more resentment than pity.

Heidi is shocked. Poodle Bitch wonders where Heidi has been the last two weeks.

Heidi complains she doesn’t know how to judge Mitchell, if he’s not doing his own sewing. Heidi- Poodle Bitch again wonders why did you keep him around?

Ra’mon is declared the winner of the challenge. His designs are in no way superior to Irina’s and Johnny’s, but he gets the pity vote for having to carry the challenged Mitchell. The bottom two are Mitchell (surprise!) and Qristyl. Mitchell is finally eliminated. He shouldn’t have lasted this long, but Poodle Bitch has to admit that she would not have minded seeing Qristyl go as well. Poodle Bitch does not like her name.

Max Azria mumbles something about Mitchell being a “nice guy.”

But Poodle Bitch begs to differ with that assessment. Mitchell is a venal jerk and socially stunted. She is glad to see him finally leave. Project Runway has restored some of its credibility.


Her name is Qristyl Frazier. Poodle Bitch will try to spell it correctly from now on.

Ra'mon Lawrence Coleman pic source.
Rachel Bilson pic source.
Qrystyil Frazier pic source.
Tim Gunn pic source.

Project Runway 6 Episode 2: Poodle Bitch Misses the Handstand Woman

Poodle Bitch did not bother with discussing last week’s Project Runway “All Star” Edition- it seemed to merit little in the way of commentary. There was Santino, behaving like Santino, conducting himself in such as manner as to guarantee the most screen time while neglecting his clothes, which ended up being quite shoddy and sleazy looking. Although, Poodle Bitch does find his impressions of Tim Gunn to be funny. There was poor Chris, seeming to pass out every five minutes. There was Sweet P, whose designs have always confused Poodle Bitch and should not have been in the top four. There was Korto, who likely should have won, but for her sour attitude upon being announced the runner up. The winner, Daniel, seemed to win the prize based upon a single dress. As well made as it was, Poodle Bitch was appalled by his ridiculous extra challenge dress, which had the appearance of dynamite strapped to a suicide bomber’s stomach.

Poodle Bitch would have awarded the title to Chris, although she worries that the excitement of winning might have caused him to lose consciousness.



Much more interesting to Poodle Bitch, and surprisingly so, was “Models of the Runway.” Poodle Bitch waited until just two days ago to watch the first episode, as she falsely believed the models were little more than objects for the designers. Why not have a show about the fabrics the designers use, Poodle Bitch joked. Or, perhaps, their sewing machines? Instead, Poodle Bitch found herself intrigued by life in a model house, and with the concerns and fears of the women who have to strut down the runway in the sometimes silly things the designers concoct.

She was most especially made more sympathetic to the plight of Mitchell’s model. Poodle Bitch believes wholeheartedly that the nightgown man should have been eliminated last week, and getting the story of how his “design” was created from the model’s point of view only solidified her opinion. Poodle Bitch will continue to watch.



This week’s Project Runway opened with Mitchell, Poodle Bitch’s least favorite designer, joking about sending a naked woman down the runway. Nicolas added, “With a really beautiful collar,” but Poodle Bitch would have to disagree even with that. The collar was certainly not anything Poodle Bitch would wear, and if Poodle Bitch would not wear it, then it is not beautiful.

Poodle Bitch already misses the handstand woman.

For their challenge, the designers had to create a dress for the pregnant actress Rebecca Romijn. This fabulously wealthy and famous woman lamented the fact that she was having a difficult time finding fashionable clothing to fit a pregnant woman’s body. So the designers will give her something that is “pregnancy chic,” for any event.

Logan from Seattle endears himself to Poodle Bitch by admitting that “babies kind of scare me.” As they do Poodle Bitch.

But he is still standing in the shadows, as are all the designers, of poodle companion Irina. As she puts it, “there shouldn’t be such a gap between maternity clothes, and regular clothes.” Poodle Bitch finds it difficult to argue with this point. Irina is both tasteful and practical.

Poodle Bitch is happy to note that, now that the handstanding woman has left the show, it is the androgyne Malvin who has taken up her mantle of strangeness, endeavoring to design a dress inspired by eggs and bird nests. “Basically, this look is called ‘the Mother Hen.’”

Poodle Bitch is happy that he chose not to call it “the Mother Poodle.”

Mitchell verbalizes exactly why he should have been eliminated last week when, much to Poodle Bitch’s disgust, he interviews that he is “not looking to go out on a limb,” and is not looking to win the challenge, but to play it safe. Poodle Bitch now hopes that the Mother Hen stomps on him. He might look like the actor who plays "Dexter," but that does not excuse his attitude.

Tim’s advice to Louise the Vintage Girl during the walkthrough is some of Poodle Bitch’s favorite ever: “If your viscera says ‘uh-oh,’ it’s probably true.”

Yes, listen to your viscera. Poodle Bitch concurs. He could have said that to Malvin as well. Instead, he is too polite. “I’m not bored,” he says, when Malvin says he wants to create wide-hipped jodhpurs to give a feeling of “chicken thighs.”

This episode’s runway show is one of the strangest Poodle Bitch remembers. The “bellies” do not seem to fit any of the models properly. This is not only because all of the models seem far to thin and frail to actually carry human fetuses. Poodle Bitch is no expert on human pregnancy (nor is she much of an expert on dog pregnancy- she has been spayed) but she did not think that human bellies rode quite so low as they did on the models as they strutted down the runway.

Once again, it was Irina who provided what was, to Poodle Bitch’s eye, the most beautifully designed and well-made of the dresses. Her blue dress was “fun,” as she described it. But once again, the judges did not agree, and Irina was sent off the runway with neither one of the highest or lowest scores.



However, Poodle Bitch did appreciate Louise the Vintage Girl’s almost-lingerie dress Clearly, she is more than just a non-evil version of Kenley. Shirin’s dress and coat were also nice.

But they were not Irina.

The guest judge whose name Poodle Bitch did not catch says that she has friends who would wear Mitchell’s mess. Poodle Bitch believes this should disqualify her from judging, and looks forward to the return of Michael Kors.

Poodle Bitch does not feel it was too great an injustice that Shirin won the challenge.

The final two were not unexpected. Poodle Bitch is, however, disappointed that once again Mitchell was selected to remain, while the more “unusual” contestant is sent home. Poodle Bitch wonders first of all, who will be strange one nest week (the woodland sprite woman?), and will Mitchell once again not try to win the challenge, but just get by, and end up in the bottom two?

Moreover, Poodle Bitch has a message to producers: More Irina!



Models of the Runway picture source.
Mitchell picture source.
Louise picture source.
Irina design sketch source.