Monday, August 24, 2009

RE: Heidi Montag's Lip-Sync Performance at the Miss Universe Pageant: Yaz Should Be Ashamed of Themselves

Somehow, Poodle Bitch missed the Miss Universe Pageant, a beauty contest engaged in by attractive human women in which they strut around a stage in the hopes of winning cash prizes and spreading a message of world peace. She did, however, catch a YouTube clip of one of the performers, reality show nonentity Heidi Montag - or, Heidi Pratt, Poodle Bitch is unsure and cares little- lip syncing her song, "Body Language."

Listening to the song, Poodle Bitch is confused. It sounds as if the same machine that processed Ms. Montag-Pratt somehow got stuck on the Yaz song "Situation." It sounds to Poodle Bitch's ear that someone merely took the Yaz tune and replaced its ironic and subtle lyrics with something more...

sinister. Not that Poodle Bitch intends to in any way be melodramatic. But consider. According to this website, the lyrics to Ms. Montag-Pratt's song include:

Baby, come on control me
Come over take on me
Take me
If you're in it for real
Go ahead put it on me
I know that you want me
So take me

Read my body language
I do what you like, like
So prove that you're right, right
(Control me)
Read my body language
I do what you like, like
Come into my spotlight
Boy, whatcha waiting for?
Come and take control over me, me
Show authority
'Cause I am looking for a boss type
Someone to fulfill all my needs, needs
So, give me a pices of your guidance

Poodle Bitch does not appreciate the word "doggerel," as it is an insult to dogs. However, one cannot deny that those lyrics fit the definition. Trivial and inferior verse.

But this is more than that. These lyrics, to Poodle Bitch's ear, represent the aural equivalent of a submissive dog rolling over on his or her back, exposing his or her belly. Poodle Bitch half expected Ms. Montag-Pratt to suddenly stop her dance and begin urinating uncontrollably, as submissive dogs sometimes do.

If you are a glutton, you can listen to the song and view the performance below. Of course, Poodle Bitch does not recommend it.

Poodle Bitch will let Yaz have the final word, from "Situation," the song so deeply and thoroughly wronged by Ms. Montag-Pratt:

Move out, you bring me down
Move out, how you get about
Don't make a sound just move out

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