Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Poodle Bitch Has Always Been Immune to the "Charms" of LOLcats

Poodle Bitch often has trouble understanding humans. They do things that she finds simply mystifying.

The enduring popularity of "LOLcats" is particularly confusing. Images of cats- and other animals, apparently- engaged in some activity that humans find "adorable," to which are added deliberately misspelled comedy captions, do not appeal to her. Perhaps they are amusing, but they are a cheap laugh. Poodle Bitch believes that too much in the world is "cheap."

Poodle Bitch is interested in higher pursuits. Especially considering the fact that the animals in question have no say in the matter. Poodle Bitch notes that very often the animals are trapped in some humiliating enforced activity, such as having a bath, or with their head trapped in a box (at the bottom of which some kind of "treat" was placed, to entice the animal).

Poodle Bitch had hoped that this silly trend would have ended by now. But it has not. According to Slate:

More than two years after its launch, I Can Has Cheezburger is still having cheeseburgers. Not only hasn't it faded, the site is bigger than ever: People keep sending in new pictures, new people keep discovering the phenomenon, and every day traffic grows a bit more. In the last year, according to the traffic-monitoring firm Compete, visits to the site more than doubled. About 1 million unique users now land at I Can Has Cheezburger every month, and its growth shows no sign of ebbing.

And what do visitors to the "I Can Has Cheezburger" site get? Poodle Bitch could not get past the first photo before she began to feel the onset of diabetes.

A kitten passed out on some human's crotch does not warm Poodle Bitch's heart. Nor does it bring a smile to her lips. It is merely a reminder of the evolutionary process, and the cynical way that some animals- especially cats- manipulate their human companions. The addition of the "babytalk" caption further perturbs Poodle Bitch. Cats are disturbing and capable of causing great annoyance, but comparing them to human babies is reprehensible.

To that end, Poodle Bitch has created her own version. She has done this as a service not only to misguided humans, but to exploited animals everywhere.


Melissa said...

O Poodle Bitch, you are a rare and glorious creature, and deserve more fame than an LOL cat.

shampoo said...

I have a lot of pictures of my bunny leaving the area. he has places to be. also, some cameras make irritating noises.

Poodle Bitch said...

Poodle Bitch appreciates the sentiment. She also sympathizes with shampoo's bunny.