Project Runway 6 Episode 4 Ticket to the Future

Poodle Bitch had to wait a full five days before she could bring herself to watch the most recent episode of Project Runway. She was filled with uncharacteristic resentment over the elimination of the questionable Mitchell. No, Poodle Bitch was not upset that he was finally eliminated. She was upset that he was not eliminated in the first episode.

She was upset that he was cast on the show at all. Her heart goes out to the dozens of talented designers out there who sent in audition tapes and never heard back from the producers, in favor of a man with little imagination whose sewing skills are worse than Poodle Bitch’s.

And Poodle Bitch lacks opposable thumbs.

This week, Heidi cryptically tells the designers that Mr. Gunn is awaiting them in the workroom with thirteen people who need to be made “very happy.” Nicolas muses that the thirteen people they’ll be designing for could be anyone, from homeless people to—Eskimos.

Poodle Bitch was unaware that people still used that particular word to describe Inuits. Perhaps she should look that up.

But the “Eskimos” turn out to be the designers’ models. They’ve been invited to “an industry event,” as Mr. Gunn says, and then adds, “And what they wear could very well be their ticket to the future.”

At this mentioning of “the future,” Poodle Bitch cannot help but cast her mind back to the gone but not forgotten handstand woman, who in the first episode designed a look for someone attending both the MTV awards and the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony circa 2080.

For this foresight, handstand woman was eliminated. The unfortunate Mitchell remained. And now, here is her perfect challenge.

Then Mr. Gunn informs them that the producers are taking this “ticket to the future” challenge so seriously that the designers will have only one day to complete it, and a budget of $100. They’ll also be given 30 minutes to “caucus” with their clients.

Poodle companion Irina’s model is, as Irina puts it “apprehensive, just because she’s not sure exactly what she wants.” In that case, Poodle Bitch believes that the model is in just the right hands. Irina’s taste is refined and dignified, just as one would expect from a poodle companion.

“She’s very indecisive, so I’ll have to coach her into feeling comfortable with it.”

There is no other designer Poodle Bitch would rather have coaching her into feeling comfortable with anything.

With the other models and designers relationships, Poodle Bitch notices a pattern: The models have questionable desires as clients, and the designers don’t want to create anything that would make them uncomfortable and face elimination.

Althea is going to make her model look like Greta Garbo, complete with a “cigarette jacket.”

“Flowy. Strong. Punk. Cocktail. Tiger” is what Epperson’s model wanted. His design gets some encouraging words from Mr. Gunn, and Poodle Bitch has to say she’s impressed by what he’s doing, based on the seemingly random series of words that his model gave him for inspiration.

Qrystil’s design looks “messy.” Mr. Gunn then says, “It just looks like she’s been rolling around in bed.” Poodle Bitch could not have said it better herself.

Logan doesn’t want his Smurf Prom Dress design to look like a smurf prom dress. “Don’t use that word again!” Mr. Gunn declares. “Don’t put it in anybody’s head!”

What he’s not telling you is that poor Mr. Tim Gunn was traumatized by smurfs as a child.

Mr. Gunn wonders if Carol Hannah’s design isn’t robbing her model of her youth. Considering that Carol Hannah is the one who claims to design clothing for woodland sprites, this might be a literal concern. Could she actually cast a spell of enchantment, Poodle Bitch wonders. Could Carol Hannah be evil woodland sprite designer?

Poodle Bitch is deeply touched to witness Epperson speaking on the phone with his wife and children. But not nearly so touched as Epperson seems to be, as returns to his sewing teary eyed and trembling with emotion.

The judging panel this week consisted of Heidi and three other people Poodle Bitch had never heard of. Where, she wonders, is Michael Kors?

Again, Poodle Bitch’s favorite is the design of poodle companion Irina. Everyone else’s, to Poodle Bitch’s eye, looks half-hearted.

Except, Louise and Ra’mon. Poodle Bitch must admit that these two have also crafted worthy garments.

She notes that none of her choices made the judges’ top. Woodland sprite woman did, which tells you something about the judges. Epperson’s elegant punk tiger dress was also a top judges’ choice. Althea’s silly suit was another top choice.

Poodle Bitch must say she is mystified. She would wear none of these clothes.

Logan’s Smurf Prom Dress came across to the judges as a prom dress. Johnny’s flirty purple is described by Heidi as “bridesmaid.” Another judge calls it “wearable.” A third complains that it’s “too accessible.” Qrystil’s frumpy black dress aged her model ten years. “That’s like dog years,” Heidi says. Poodle Bitch is unsure if that is meant to be an insult.

Althea’s silliness was declared the winner. This is not as big a travesty as Mitchell’s not being eliminated in the first round; nevertheless, Poodle Bitch hardly feels confident in the judges.

Qrystil is out. Poodle Bitch couldn’t be happier, as she never really learned how to spell her name.

Poodle Bitch Wonders Why Kanye West Doesn't Start His Own Awards Show

Poodle Bitch spends little time following the antics of Kanye West, who is apparently a genius, at least in his own humble estimation. And who is Poodle Bitch to judge that? She likes to think of herself as a dog of refined taste and exceeding cleverness, and an odor like what sunshine would smell like, if sunshine had a smell.

Nevertheless, she was unable to ignore his recent boorishness at an event called "The Empty V Music Awards," or perhaps it is called "The MTV Music Awards," she is unsure and cares little. For the most part, it involves people about which Poodle Bitch knows hardly anything at all, presenting one another with awards for achievements that Poodle Bitch believes should cause shame and embarrassment, not pride.

To that end, Kanye West was so filled with indignation by what he perceived to be a gross miscarriage of justice, that he was unable to keep his seat. Storming the stage, he commandeered a microphone and had to offer his opinion about...

...Taylor Swift's Best Female Video award.

The rapper stormed the stage just after the first award, for Best Female Video, was presented to Taylor Swift. He cut the teen singer off, grabbing the mic and protesting in support of Beyoncé.

"I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time," he proclaimed as B looked on from the crowd, stunned.

Poodle Bitch was unaware that the crowd at an Empty V awards show could be "stunned." She has to say she's a bit disappointed.

She's also unaware that Kanye West, a rapper, spent his free time not composing danceable music, but creating lists of the greatest videos of all time. Poodle Bitch would love to see this list- she's curious where he would place Poodle Bitch's own all time favorite video, "Come Dancing" by the Kinks. That video actually makes Poodle Bitch tear up, when she's feeling particularly sentimental.

And then there's "Private Dancer," by Tina Turner. Another deeply moving song.

Moreover, where does Peter Gabriel's classic and innovative "Sledgehammer" video fall on Mr. West's list?

Perhaps the most important question is, Where would Mr. West place his own videos on this list of his? Does he think that Ms. Beyoncé's paean to marital commitment is greater than his own "Touch the Sky?"

Poodle Bitch's point is that it seems a bit premature to declare a video that is only about a year old to be one of the greatest of all time. Perhaps it is time for Mr. West to start his own awards show. Those awards he does not win himself- probably awards for women- could be given to Beyoncé. Poodle Bitch's first suggestion for a category: "Best Female Music Video that is not by Taylor Swift."


Kanye West making his point, at Taylor Swift's expense. She was rude to win the award in the first place.

UPDATE 9/15/09 @ 1:45 PM PST: Poodle Bitch has just discovered this item at TMZ, in which President Barack Obama is heard to use indelicate language to describe Mr. West, regarding his actions toward Ms. Swift. Poodle Bitch wonders if perhaps the president could have used more elevated language to express his opinion, such as she herself is known to use?

pic source.

Poodle Bitch is Disturbed by the Dog-Dyeing Antics of Some Human Called Aubrey O'Day

Poodle Bitch does try to keep up with the latest trends. She believes it helps to keep her young. Nevertheless, she has only heard of the human called Aubrey O'Day from gossip websites. Apparently, this human is a singer who used to be part of a group called Danity Kane. Poodle Bitch had to look them up- according to wikipedia, they were "[f]ormed on the third installment of MTV's Making the Band reality television series."

So, Poodle Bitch notes, Aubrey O'Day is a reality television star, like Jon and Kate Gosselin, Megan Hauserman, and Johnny Fairplay. Just so Poodle Bitch is clear on the point.

Regarding Ms. O'Day, Poodle Bitch has just seen an article in Us online in which she defends dyeing her dog.

The former Danity Kane singer, 25, has been criticized on some websites for constantly dyeing her 1-year-old teacup Maltese Ginger.

"She likes to have looks," O'Day tells Usmagazine.com. "It actually seems like such a taboo weird thing nowadays, but if you research online, you will see a whole underworld of dogs who are dyed."

Poodle Bitch wonders how often it is that humans cite the underworld as part of their justification for doing anything. She also wonders about a pupdog's ability to make judgments for herself regarding the use of dyes in her fur. Poodle Bitch does not know many Maltese dogs, so she found some information online.

The coat is single, with no undercoat, and should not be wavy, curly or kinky. It should be made of shiny, thick, heavy hair which is about 8½ inches (22cm.) long. The color is pure white, although light ivory is acceptable.
...
Prone to sunburn along the hair parting; skin, respiratory, eye and tooth problems, and slipped stifle. Some may be difficult to feed with weak, upset digestion. They may get the chills, and they experience discomfort in hot weather. Maltese should be kept out of damp areas. It is a good idea to paper-train this breed - to avoid going out in weather extremes.

Poodle Bitch is dubious that a member of a dog breed with a single coat whose skin is prone to sunburn should have her hair dyed. So, why would a Maltese want to color her hair?

The Maltese is spirited, lively and playful. Gentle, loving, trusting and devoted to its master.

Poodle Bitch often finds herself wondering about all of these dogs that are so trusting and devoted to their "master." That tends to lead to dangerous situations. If only a vet were around to properly guide Ms. O'Day!

O'Day — who is working on a natural dog dye — tells Us she makes sure her vet approves any of the dyes she uses.

Poodle Bitch wonders if "her vet" who offers approval of the dyes she uses is working on this "natural dog dye" along with Ms. O'Day, and therefore stands to potentially make a lot of money from Danity Kane wannabes? (Isn't it funny how Maltese-like humans can be? Simply saying there's a vet involved absolves all responsibility, and silences all questions- at least for Usmagazine.com.)

She changes her dog's appearance "for different occasions," she says. She recently dyed her dog green because, O'Day says, she "loves the [Boston] Celtics."

Poodle Bitch cannot tell if it is Ms. O'Day, or poor little Ginger who is such a fan of the Celtics, but she has yet to meet any dogs who have any interest in professional human sporting events. This seems like excuse-mongering to her. But the most disturbing parts of the story are:

She says she normally dyes Ginger while she's asleep because it's "hassle-free; she doesn’t even know [it's happening]."

"I do it like anyone would color hair," O'Day says. "She sits on my lap, and I have a brush, and I paint it on and use foils."

Poodle Bitch has seen humans get their hair colored. She has seen the use of foils. She has seen the paint. There is no way any dog, no matter how eager she is to please, will sleep through that without some kind of medicinal help. Poodle Bitch wonders if the same vet who approves of this behavior is providing Ms. O'Day with a tranquilizer for poor little Ginger, so that she can put her dog- to sleep- so that she can dye her, and therefore promote this fantastic dog dyeing system they're creating?

Poodle Bitch would like to explain to Ms. O'Day that dogs are not merely accessories, objects for the amusement of their "owners." She would suggest to Ms. O'Day that she get a purse. You won't have to wait until that is "asleep" before you dye it.


Former Danity Kane singer Aubrey O'Day and her accessory, Ginger.

Pic source.

Poodle Bitch is Unimpressed with the Dog Who Sneezes on Command

Poodle Bitch was on yahoo's main page this morning, and came upon a link about a dog that can sneeze on command. Naturally, she had to click through and take a look at this fascinating canine achievement. Here is what she saw:

Harry The Dog Sneezes on Command 3 Times in a Row! @ Yahoo! Video

Are you impressed by that? If you were not, then why not?

Is it because the dog does not, as promised by the video's title, "Sneeze on Command 3 Times in a Row!"? Poodle Bitch counted a mere two sneezes.

Is it because the dog Harry appears to be responding with barks before the sneezes? Poodle Bitch suspects that Harry can tell, based on his companion's tone of voice and body language (language to which, Poodle Bitch notes with some suspicion [see below], the viewer is not made privy), that she wants him to do something. But what that something is, he seems not to know. And why should he even suspect that it is a sneeze she is going for? Only a human would find that in any way interesting.

(Poodle Bitch wonders how many humans realize that sneezing is, for some dogs, the "default cute" action in the dog's attention-grabbing arsenal?)

Is it because the viewer cannot see the dog's companion, and cannot see the allergen that she is holding in her hand?

Poodle Bitch wishes Harry the dog and his companion the best of luck in all future endeavors.

Project Runway 6 Episode 3: Poodle Bitch is Relieved

On last week’s episode of “Models of the Runway,” Mitchell, the luckiest contestant in “Project Runway” history (Poodle Bitch has a dog's memory), assured the models that landing in the bottom two in each of the first two episodes had taught him a lesson. Poodle Bitch was dubious. It was not just the smirk on Mitchell’s face- it was the wavering, simpering tone of voice used. If Mitchell told Poodle Bitch that tomatoes were delicious, she would not believe him.

Later in the third episode, Poodle Bitch would be proven right to be dubious. She would be proven right many times. The setting for the first proof would be the beach, as the designers are taken to Santa Monica where they are treated to two wonderful sights. The ocean, and Tim Gunn in flip flops.

Christopher says he’s never seen the ocean before. Ordinarily that would elicit a rowr from Poodle Bitch, but Tim Gunn is wearing flip flops.


This man wore flip flops in this episode. If he shows up in crocs next week, Poodle Bitch will bite her television.

Poodle Bitch is so distracted by this sight that she has completely forgotten how perturbed she is that Mitchell is still infecting the competition. Alas, Mitchell is selected as a team leader for this challenge when the flip flopped Tim Gunn draws his name from a hat.

The challenge, by the way, that Poodle Bitch was barely able to hear over the din of Tim Gunn is wearing flip flops that kept repeating in her head, was for the designers to create a “fun and fashionable surfwear look.” It must be totally infused with the designer’s points of view as designers.

These surfwear looks that will be infused with their points of view (Poodle Bitch wonders if everything these designers create shouldn’t be “infused with their points of view”) will be created by teams of twos. Last week’s winner Shirin get to choose first, and Tim draws names to determine team leaders.

Shirin foolishly and inscrutably picks Carol the woodland sprite woman. Why the woodland sprite woman would be chosen over Poodle Bitch’s favorite designer, the poodle companion Irina, is beyond Poodle Bitch’s ability to reason out.

Logan picks Christopher. Again, Poodle Bitch is left to wonder. Irina is Poodle Bitch’s favorite. This must be a “bros before talented designers” choice.

Nicholas picks Giordana. Nicholas clearly wanted to work with someone who has a thicker accent than his, Poodle Bitch observers with some irritation over the fact that Irina still has not been chosen.

Mitchell picks Ra’mon. In his interview, he offers evidence that he has not “learned his lesson,” as he lied to the models: “I wanted to work with someone who would carry me on this challenge.” This after last week he just wanted to get by.


Did Ra'mon think this was a good look? Do designers often dress like it's still the 1980s, Poodle Bitch wonders.

Again Poodle Bitch wonders why the handstand woman and the Androgynous Egg had to go so early, so that Mitchell, who doesn’t seem to even want to win, keeps getting a pass.

At least he did not choose to burden Irina by working with her.

Althea picks Louise, since she was “in the top three last time.” She also happens to be a good designer and sewer, as Poodle Bitch would point out. But she is no Irina.

Qristyl chooses Epperson. Not Irina.

Johnny chooses Irina. Irina is the only one left. Poodle Bitch’s favorite is selected last. This brings back painful memories for Poodle Bitch. No- she was never chosen last for anything, but she always felt bad for those who were.

At mood, Mitchell is worried, because Ra’mon is choosing material that he considers “ugly.” Poodle Bitch believes this is sound policy for choosing material. Whatever Mitchell thinks is ugly should be purchased.

Epperson and Qristyl give each other headaches, literally. Epperson complains that he needs a Tylenol, and Qristyl tells him she’s already taken one. Poodle Bitch can see that Epperson and Qristyl are headed for trouble, and will likely play a large role in the end of the episode.

Surely, Poodle Bitch wonders, It won’t be Epperson and Qristyl in the bottom two? Will Mitchell pass into the next round?

Three hours before the end of the day, Tim tells the teams they have to create an “avante garde” design to correspond to their present looks. This is a message from Heidi and the judges- Tim would never pull this type of dirty trick.

Qristyl is insulted that Epperson is taking over their team. Apparently, Qristyl doesn’t pay attention to her own designs, because she needs Epperson to take over their team. Poodle Bitch would like to remind Qrystil that it was only by luck of the draw that she ended up as a team captain. She would also like to inform Qristyl that having an unusually designed name makes her a good designer. All it does is make Poodle Bitch irritated about having to type it.

Mitchell moans that he has a lot of good ideas, but he doesn’t have the skills to execute them. Poodle Bitch thinks that he is half right- he has a lot of bad ideas, but doesn’t have the skills to execute them.

Ra’mon moans that Mitchell isn’t even trying to win. A lack of focus? Inability to sew? Yes to both. When Nicholas jokes that he can’t wait to see Mitchell go, Mitchell is so lacking in seriousness that he laughs along with him. Poodle Bitch points to this as yet another sign that he has not learned his lesson, despite the lie he told the models.

Tim says that Mitchell’s and Ra’mon’s designs look like a superhero and a Greek goddess. Ra’mon scraps his wetsuit-inspired jumpsuit, and comes up with something totally different, using material that looks to Poodle Bitch like something from which one might fashion a chew toy. Poodle Bitch approves of this.

Ra’mon is working on both pieces, and “trying to keep Mitchell focused.” This is unfair, as he complains, and he’s right.

Tim tells him to resurrect the scuba suit. 35 minutes before the runway show, Ra’mon is still dying chew toy fabric for his “avant garde” look.

Qrystil interviews that she will throw Epperson under the bus. She will tell the judges that she had everything worked over by Epperson. Poodle Bitch wonders why it is that Qristyl thinks this is a sound strategy. To admit that you, as the team leader, were walked on by your partner is Mitchell strategy.

Guest judges Max Azria and Rachel Bilson. Poodle Bitch has little so say about this, except to point out that Max Azria designs clothing with Miley Cyrus, and Rachel Bilson wears clothing like this:


Poodle Bitch actually does not hate this look. Rachel Bilson is significantly more stylish than the guest judge of the first episode, Lindsay Lohan.

Poodle Bitch doesn’t appreciate Johnny’s influence over her favorite Irina. Nonetheless, their designs are Poodle Bitch’s favorite.

Ra’mon is in shock that his and Mitchell’s team is in the top two with Poodle Bitch’s beloved Irina and her negative influence Johnny. Poodle Bitch thinks it is safe to say that most viewers share that feeling.

Mitchell admits on the runway that Ra’mon did pretty much everything. Clearly, he has given up. Poodle Bitch feels almost sorry for him, except that he took a spot on the show that might have been taken by someone with real talent and drive, who would have made the most of the opportunity. Poodle Bitch therefore feels more resentment than pity.

Heidi is shocked. Poodle Bitch wonders where Heidi has been the last two weeks.

Heidi complains she doesn’t know how to judge Mitchell, if he’s not doing his own sewing. Heidi- Poodle Bitch again wonders why did you keep him around?

Ra’mon is declared the winner of the challenge. His designs are in no way superior to Irina’s and Johnny’s, but he gets the pity vote for having to carry the challenged Mitchell. The bottom two are Mitchell (surprise!) and Qristyl. Mitchell is finally eliminated. He shouldn’t have lasted this long, but Poodle Bitch has to admit that she would not have minded seeing Qristyl go as well. Poodle Bitch does not like her name.

Max Azria mumbles something about Mitchell being a “nice guy.”

But Poodle Bitch begs to differ with that assessment. Mitchell is a venal jerk and socially stunted. She is glad to see him finally leave. Project Runway has restored some of its credibility.


Her name is Qristyl Frazier. Poodle Bitch will try to spell it correctly from now on.

Ra'mon Lawrence Coleman pic source.
Rachel Bilson pic source.
Qrystyil Frazier pic source.
Tim Gunn pic source.

Poodle Bitch is Hungry

Humans sometimes mystify Poodle Bitch.

In perusing the New York Times today, she came upon this article, on New York City's "struggle" against sugary drinks.

New York State has shelved the idea of a tax on sugary sodas and juice drinks. But New York City’s public health officials opened a new front in their struggle against high-calorie beverages on Monday, unveiling an ad campaign that depicts globs of human fat gushing from a soda bottle.

Poodle Bitch has little interest in "high-calorie" beverages (she drinks water exclusively), but she must admit she's intrigued by the "globs of human fat."

She watches enough Food Network to know that fat is flavor. If Poodle Bitch were a NYC dog, and rode the subways every day with a photo of delicious fat staring her in the face, she might not be able to resist the urge to take a bite of the human seated beside her.


Fat is flavor.

Of course, Poodle Bitch wonders just how much this cheerful reminder that food has calories cost the taxpayers of New York?

The ad — which cost about $277,000 to develop over three fiscal years, including money for creative work and focus groups — will run in 1,500 subway cars for three months. (The $90,000 cost of the subway advertisement comes through a private donor, the Fund for Public Health in New York.)

Once again, Poodle Bitch is happy she does not live in the hustling, bustling New York City. $277,000, especially in this particular economic climate, seems a bit excessive to her, even if it did go toward the creation of a mouth-watering fat image. But, at least the taxpayers aren't paying for the cost of advertising on subways- that $90,000 is coming from some "private donor."

Cigarettes have been shown to cause cancer. People still smoke. Lots of people still smoke. Because they like it. Poodle Bitch doesn't understand why it is that some group believes that showing people a mouth-watering image of flavorful fat is somehow supposed to convince people to give up something they enjoy, when you cannot even convince people to give up smoking to prevent cancer.

She also wonders why those residents who do not drink "high calorie" drinks must be subjected to an image they might find distasteful each time they ride the subway.

Poodle Bitch's Thoughts are With the Family of the Former "World's Oldest Dog"

Poodle Bitch has had her problems with "The World's Oldest Dog," Chanel (actually, Poodle Bitch's problems were not with Chanel herself, but with the hype surrounding the suspicious claim that she was "the world's oldest dog"), but she was nevertheless saddened by the news that the very old dog has passed away.

A wire-haired dachshund that held the record as the world's oldest dog and celebrated its last birthday with a party at a dog hotel and spa has died at age 21 — or 147 in dog years.

Poodle Bitch wonders why Chanel, a dachshund bitch, should be referred to with the pronoun "its" by the author of the article. Isn't it enough that she has died- must she now be referred to as if she were nothing more than a piece of matter?

Poodle Bitch hopes that the casual callousness of the authors does not in any way damage the memories that the dachshund bitch's human companions shared, such as:

Along with her owner, Chanel spent nine years on assignment in Germany, where she became adept at stealing sticks of butter from kitchen countertops and hiding them in sofa cushions in the living room, Shaughnessy said. She also liked chocolate, usually considered toxic to dogs, Shaughnessy said.

"She once ate an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups, and, you see, she lived to be 21, so go figure," Shaughnessy added.

Poodle Bitch would like to make two observations regarding the passage quoted above. The first is that Poodle Bitch hopes that she will treated to more bags of Reese's peanut butter cups in the future. Just to try them out. Okay, one or two can't hurt, right? They were good enough for "the world's oldest dog," at least on one occasion.

Of course, Poodle Bitch once saw a labrador bitch ingest an entire packet of cigarettes. To her knowledge, the labrador only did this once, and suffered no ill-effects.

"Go figure."

The second observation is that the author, not content to refer to Chanel as an "it," has compounded the insensitivity by referring to her human companion as "her owner."

The dog has passed away- let her rest in peace.