Project Runway 6 Episode 3: Poodle Bitch is Relieved

On last week’s episode of “Models of the Runway,” Mitchell, the luckiest contestant in “Project Runway” history (Poodle Bitch has a dog's memory), assured the models that landing in the bottom two in each of the first two episodes had taught him a lesson. Poodle Bitch was dubious. It was not just the smirk on Mitchell’s face- it was the wavering, simpering tone of voice used. If Mitchell told Poodle Bitch that tomatoes were delicious, she would not believe him.

Later in the third episode, Poodle Bitch would be proven right to be dubious. She would be proven right many times. The setting for the first proof would be the beach, as the designers are taken to Santa Monica where they are treated to two wonderful sights. The ocean, and Tim Gunn in flip flops.

Christopher says he’s never seen the ocean before. Ordinarily that would elicit a rowr from Poodle Bitch, but Tim Gunn is wearing flip flops.


This man wore flip flops in this episode. If he shows up in crocs next week, Poodle Bitch will bite her television.

Poodle Bitch is so distracted by this sight that she has completely forgotten how perturbed she is that Mitchell is still infecting the competition. Alas, Mitchell is selected as a team leader for this challenge when the flip flopped Tim Gunn draws his name from a hat.

The challenge, by the way, that Poodle Bitch was barely able to hear over the din of Tim Gunn is wearing flip flops that kept repeating in her head, was for the designers to create a “fun and fashionable surfwear look.” It must be totally infused with the designer’s points of view as designers.

These surfwear looks that will be infused with their points of view (Poodle Bitch wonders if everything these designers create shouldn’t be “infused with their points of view”) will be created by teams of twos. Last week’s winner Shirin get to choose first, and Tim draws names to determine team leaders.

Shirin foolishly and inscrutably picks Carol the woodland sprite woman. Why the woodland sprite woman would be chosen over Poodle Bitch’s favorite designer, the poodle companion Irina, is beyond Poodle Bitch’s ability to reason out.

Logan picks Christopher. Again, Poodle Bitch is left to wonder. Irina is Poodle Bitch’s favorite. This must be a “bros before talented designers” choice.

Nicholas picks Giordana. Nicholas clearly wanted to work with someone who has a thicker accent than his, Poodle Bitch observers with some irritation over the fact that Irina still has not been chosen.

Mitchell picks Ra’mon. In his interview, he offers evidence that he has not “learned his lesson,” as he lied to the models: “I wanted to work with someone who would carry me on this challenge.” This after last week he just wanted to get by.


Did Ra'mon think this was a good look? Do designers often dress like it's still the 1980s, Poodle Bitch wonders.

Again Poodle Bitch wonders why the handstand woman and the Androgynous Egg had to go so early, so that Mitchell, who doesn’t seem to even want to win, keeps getting a pass.

At least he did not choose to burden Irina by working with her.

Althea picks Louise, since she was “in the top three last time.” She also happens to be a good designer and sewer, as Poodle Bitch would point out. But she is no Irina.

Qristyl chooses Epperson. Not Irina.

Johnny chooses Irina. Irina is the only one left. Poodle Bitch’s favorite is selected last. This brings back painful memories for Poodle Bitch. No- she was never chosen last for anything, but she always felt bad for those who were.

At mood, Mitchell is worried, because Ra’mon is choosing material that he considers “ugly.” Poodle Bitch believes this is sound policy for choosing material. Whatever Mitchell thinks is ugly should be purchased.

Epperson and Qristyl give each other headaches, literally. Epperson complains that he needs a Tylenol, and Qristyl tells him she’s already taken one. Poodle Bitch can see that Epperson and Qristyl are headed for trouble, and will likely play a large role in the end of the episode.

Surely, Poodle Bitch wonders, It won’t be Epperson and Qristyl in the bottom two? Will Mitchell pass into the next round?

Three hours before the end of the day, Tim tells the teams they have to create an “avante garde” design to correspond to their present looks. This is a message from Heidi and the judges- Tim would never pull this type of dirty trick.

Qristyl is insulted that Epperson is taking over their team. Apparently, Qristyl doesn’t pay attention to her own designs, because she needs Epperson to take over their team. Poodle Bitch would like to remind Qrystil that it was only by luck of the draw that she ended up as a team captain. She would also like to inform Qristyl that having an unusually designed name makes her a good designer. All it does is make Poodle Bitch irritated about having to type it.

Mitchell moans that he has a lot of good ideas, but he doesn’t have the skills to execute them. Poodle Bitch thinks that he is half right- he has a lot of bad ideas, but doesn’t have the skills to execute them.

Ra’mon moans that Mitchell isn’t even trying to win. A lack of focus? Inability to sew? Yes to both. When Nicholas jokes that he can’t wait to see Mitchell go, Mitchell is so lacking in seriousness that he laughs along with him. Poodle Bitch points to this as yet another sign that he has not learned his lesson, despite the lie he told the models.

Tim says that Mitchell’s and Ra’mon’s designs look like a superhero and a Greek goddess. Ra’mon scraps his wetsuit-inspired jumpsuit, and comes up with something totally different, using material that looks to Poodle Bitch like something from which one might fashion a chew toy. Poodle Bitch approves of this.

Ra’mon is working on both pieces, and “trying to keep Mitchell focused.” This is unfair, as he complains, and he’s right.

Tim tells him to resurrect the scuba suit. 35 minutes before the runway show, Ra’mon is still dying chew toy fabric for his “avant garde” look.

Qrystil interviews that she will throw Epperson under the bus. She will tell the judges that she had everything worked over by Epperson. Poodle Bitch wonders why it is that Qristyl thinks this is a sound strategy. To admit that you, as the team leader, were walked on by your partner is Mitchell strategy.

Guest judges Max Azria and Rachel Bilson. Poodle Bitch has little so say about this, except to point out that Max Azria designs clothing with Miley Cyrus, and Rachel Bilson wears clothing like this:


Poodle Bitch actually does not hate this look. Rachel Bilson is significantly more stylish than the guest judge of the first episode, Lindsay Lohan.

Poodle Bitch doesn’t appreciate Johnny’s influence over her favorite Irina. Nonetheless, their designs are Poodle Bitch’s favorite.

Ra’mon is in shock that his and Mitchell’s team is in the top two with Poodle Bitch’s beloved Irina and her negative influence Johnny. Poodle Bitch thinks it is safe to say that most viewers share that feeling.

Mitchell admits on the runway that Ra’mon did pretty much everything. Clearly, he has given up. Poodle Bitch feels almost sorry for him, except that he took a spot on the show that might have been taken by someone with real talent and drive, who would have made the most of the opportunity. Poodle Bitch therefore feels more resentment than pity.

Heidi is shocked. Poodle Bitch wonders where Heidi has been the last two weeks.

Heidi complains she doesn’t know how to judge Mitchell, if he’s not doing his own sewing. Heidi- Poodle Bitch again wonders why did you keep him around?

Ra’mon is declared the winner of the challenge. His designs are in no way superior to Irina’s and Johnny’s, but he gets the pity vote for having to carry the challenged Mitchell. The bottom two are Mitchell (surprise!) and Qristyl. Mitchell is finally eliminated. He shouldn’t have lasted this long, but Poodle Bitch has to admit that she would not have minded seeing Qristyl go as well. Poodle Bitch does not like her name.

Max Azria mumbles something about Mitchell being a “nice guy.”

But Poodle Bitch begs to differ with that assessment. Mitchell is a venal jerk and socially stunted. She is glad to see him finally leave. Project Runway has restored some of its credibility.


Her name is Qristyl Frazier. Poodle Bitch will try to spell it correctly from now on.

Ra'mon Lawrence Coleman pic source.
Rachel Bilson pic source.
Qrystyil Frazier pic source.
Tim Gunn pic source.

Poodle Bitch is Hungry

Humans sometimes mystify Poodle Bitch.

In perusing the New York Times today, she came upon this article, on New York City's "struggle" against sugary drinks.

New York State has shelved the idea of a tax on sugary sodas and juice drinks. But New York City’s public health officials opened a new front in their struggle against high-calorie beverages on Monday, unveiling an ad campaign that depicts globs of human fat gushing from a soda bottle.

Poodle Bitch has little interest in "high-calorie" beverages (she drinks water exclusively), but she must admit she's intrigued by the "globs of human fat."

She watches enough Food Network to know that fat is flavor. If Poodle Bitch were a NYC dog, and rode the subways every day with a photo of delicious fat staring her in the face, she might not be able to resist the urge to take a bite of the human seated beside her.


Fat is flavor.

Of course, Poodle Bitch wonders just how much this cheerful reminder that food has calories cost the taxpayers of New York?

The ad — which cost about $277,000 to develop over three fiscal years, including money for creative work and focus groups — will run in 1,500 subway cars for three months. (The $90,000 cost of the subway advertisement comes through a private donor, the Fund for Public Health in New York.)

Once again, Poodle Bitch is happy she does not live in the hustling, bustling New York City. $277,000, especially in this particular economic climate, seems a bit excessive to her, even if it did go toward the creation of a mouth-watering fat image. But, at least the taxpayers aren't paying for the cost of advertising on subways- that $90,000 is coming from some "private donor."

Cigarettes have been shown to cause cancer. People still smoke. Lots of people still smoke. Because they like it. Poodle Bitch doesn't understand why it is that some group believes that showing people a mouth-watering image of flavorful fat is somehow supposed to convince people to give up something they enjoy, when you cannot even convince people to give up smoking to prevent cancer.

She also wonders why those residents who do not drink "high calorie" drinks must be subjected to an image they might find distasteful each time they ride the subway.

Poodle Bitch's Thoughts are With the Family of the Former "World's Oldest Dog"

Poodle Bitch has had her problems with "The World's Oldest Dog," Chanel (actually, Poodle Bitch's problems were not with Chanel herself, but with the hype surrounding the suspicious claim that she was "the world's oldest dog"), but she was nevertheless saddened by the news that the very old dog has passed away.

A wire-haired dachshund that held the record as the world's oldest dog and celebrated its last birthday with a party at a dog hotel and spa has died at age 21 — or 147 in dog years.

Poodle Bitch wonders why Chanel, a dachshund bitch, should be referred to with the pronoun "its" by the author of the article. Isn't it enough that she has died- must she now be referred to as if she were nothing more than a piece of matter?

Poodle Bitch hopes that the casual callousness of the authors does not in any way damage the memories that the dachshund bitch's human companions shared, such as:

Along with her owner, Chanel spent nine years on assignment in Germany, where she became adept at stealing sticks of butter from kitchen countertops and hiding them in sofa cushions in the living room, Shaughnessy said. She also liked chocolate, usually considered toxic to dogs, Shaughnessy said.

"She once ate an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups, and, you see, she lived to be 21, so go figure," Shaughnessy added.

Poodle Bitch would like to make two observations regarding the passage quoted above. The first is that Poodle Bitch hopes that she will treated to more bags of Reese's peanut butter cups in the future. Just to try them out. Okay, one or two can't hurt, right? They were good enough for "the world's oldest dog," at least on one occasion.

Of course, Poodle Bitch once saw a labrador bitch ingest an entire packet of cigarettes. To her knowledge, the labrador only did this once, and suffered no ill-effects.

"Go figure."

The second observation is that the author, not content to refer to Chanel as an "it," has compounded the insensitivity by referring to her human companion as "her owner."

The dog has passed away- let her rest in peace.

Project Runway 6 Episode 2: Poodle Bitch Misses the Handstand Woman

Poodle Bitch did not bother with discussing last week’s Project Runway “All Star” Edition- it seemed to merit little in the way of commentary. There was Santino, behaving like Santino, conducting himself in such as manner as to guarantee the most screen time while neglecting his clothes, which ended up being quite shoddy and sleazy looking. Although, Poodle Bitch does find his impressions of Tim Gunn to be funny. There was poor Chris, seeming to pass out every five minutes. There was Sweet P, whose designs have always confused Poodle Bitch and should not have been in the top four. There was Korto, who likely should have won, but for her sour attitude upon being announced the runner up. The winner, Daniel, seemed to win the prize based upon a single dress. As well made as it was, Poodle Bitch was appalled by his ridiculous extra challenge dress, which had the appearance of dynamite strapped to a suicide bomber’s stomach.

Poodle Bitch would have awarded the title to Chris, although she worries that the excitement of winning might have caused him to lose consciousness.



Much more interesting to Poodle Bitch, and surprisingly so, was “Models of the Runway.” Poodle Bitch waited until just two days ago to watch the first episode, as she falsely believed the models were little more than objects for the designers. Why not have a show about the fabrics the designers use, Poodle Bitch joked. Or, perhaps, their sewing machines? Instead, Poodle Bitch found herself intrigued by life in a model house, and with the concerns and fears of the women who have to strut down the runway in the sometimes silly things the designers concoct.

She was most especially made more sympathetic to the plight of Mitchell’s model. Poodle Bitch believes wholeheartedly that the nightgown man should have been eliminated last week, and getting the story of how his “design” was created from the model’s point of view only solidified her opinion. Poodle Bitch will continue to watch.



This week’s Project Runway opened with Mitchell, Poodle Bitch’s least favorite designer, joking about sending a naked woman down the runway. Nicolas added, “With a really beautiful collar,” but Poodle Bitch would have to disagree even with that. The collar was certainly not anything Poodle Bitch would wear, and if Poodle Bitch would not wear it, then it is not beautiful.

Poodle Bitch already misses the handstand woman.

For their challenge, the designers had to create a dress for the pregnant actress Rebecca Romijn. This fabulously wealthy and famous woman lamented the fact that she was having a difficult time finding fashionable clothing to fit a pregnant woman’s body. So the designers will give her something that is “pregnancy chic,” for any event.

Logan from Seattle endears himself to Poodle Bitch by admitting that “babies kind of scare me.” As they do Poodle Bitch.

But he is still standing in the shadows, as are all the designers, of poodle companion Irina. As she puts it, “there shouldn’t be such a gap between maternity clothes, and regular clothes.” Poodle Bitch finds it difficult to argue with this point. Irina is both tasteful and practical.

Poodle Bitch is happy to note that, now that the handstanding woman has left the show, it is the androgyne Malvin who has taken up her mantle of strangeness, endeavoring to design a dress inspired by eggs and bird nests. “Basically, this look is called ‘the Mother Hen.’”

Poodle Bitch is happy that he chose not to call it “the Mother Poodle.”

Mitchell verbalizes exactly why he should have been eliminated last week when, much to Poodle Bitch’s disgust, he interviews that he is “not looking to go out on a limb,” and is not looking to win the challenge, but to play it safe. Poodle Bitch now hopes that the Mother Hen stomps on him. He might look like the actor who plays "Dexter," but that does not excuse his attitude.

Tim’s advice to Louise the Vintage Girl during the walkthrough is some of Poodle Bitch’s favorite ever: “If your viscera says ‘uh-oh,’ it’s probably true.”

Yes, listen to your viscera. Poodle Bitch concurs. He could have said that to Malvin as well. Instead, he is too polite. “I’m not bored,” he says, when Malvin says he wants to create wide-hipped jodhpurs to give a feeling of “chicken thighs.”

This episode’s runway show is one of the strangest Poodle Bitch remembers. The “bellies” do not seem to fit any of the models properly. This is not only because all of the models seem far to thin and frail to actually carry human fetuses. Poodle Bitch is no expert on human pregnancy (nor is she much of an expert on dog pregnancy- she has been spayed) but she did not think that human bellies rode quite so low as they did on the models as they strutted down the runway.

Once again, it was Irina who provided what was, to Poodle Bitch’s eye, the most beautifully designed and well-made of the dresses. Her blue dress was “fun,” as she described it. But once again, the judges did not agree, and Irina was sent off the runway with neither one of the highest or lowest scores.



However, Poodle Bitch did appreciate Louise the Vintage Girl’s almost-lingerie dress Clearly, she is more than just a non-evil version of Kenley. Shirin’s dress and coat were also nice.

But they were not Irina.

The guest judge whose name Poodle Bitch did not catch says that she has friends who would wear Mitchell’s mess. Poodle Bitch believes this should disqualify her from judging, and looks forward to the return of Michael Kors.

Poodle Bitch does not feel it was too great an injustice that Shirin won the challenge.

The final two were not unexpected. Poodle Bitch is, however, disappointed that once again Mitchell was selected to remain, while the more “unusual” contestant is sent home. Poodle Bitch wonders first of all, who will be strange one nest week (the woodland sprite woman?), and will Mitchell once again not try to win the challenge, but just get by, and end up in the bottom two?

Moreover, Poodle Bitch has a message to producers: More Irina!



Models of the Runway picture source.
Mitchell picture source.
Louise picture source.
Irina design sketch source.

But What do the Toys Have to do with the Breasts, Poodle Bitch Would Like to Know

Poodle Bitch was innocently searching the internet today when she came upon this website (which, Poodle Bitch hastens to warn the reader, is extremely unsafe for work), where she discovered the work of artist David Choe, who has given his carved wooden creatures the rather provocative title "Tater T*ts." Given said title, Poodle Bitch assumes it was an obvious choice to pose them between the pendulous mammary glands of human women.

But Poodle Bitch is left scratching her head as to the reason for this. She understands that "sex sells," but what exactly is being sold here? Poodle Bitch was unable to find any way to purchase the toys, and the message with the photos is inscrutable:

All three wood toys , that i made ,here on display for your viewing pleasure, nipples not included.
each one hand crafted, and hand painted, all toys have spinning changing faces.

Very well, Poodle Bitch says. You got her to your website. But now that she's there, what have you got for her? There seems to be nothing at your store that is anything like the dolls, or the breasts.

Still, Poodle Bitch has to say she likes this more than "LOLCats."

Poodle Bitch is Not Being Sold by Some Breeders in Cameroon or Nigeria

Nigerian spam scammers are selling nonexistent companion animals to unsuspecting, lonely humans. In Australia, anyway.

The scammers steal the pets' names and photos from legitimate Australian businesses to advertise non-existent animals on a fake website. They even mention the names of transport companies that will deliver the pets and say the pet will be killed if not sold quickly.

This is the unfortunate side of having an internet presence. Poodle Bitch shudders to think that her irresistible image might be used by some unscrupulous scammers to extort money from those who are looking for companionship from a dog of refined taste, perfect grooming, and charming good looks.

Naturally, Poodle Bitch was alarmed, for this was the first she'd heard of this unscrupulous behavior. However, after doing a google search, she discovered that such internet pet scams have been going on for years. Here, for instance, is an article from September 2007.

Internet scammers are luring online puppy buyers with cute pictures and false promises, taking would-be dog owners for an emotional and financial ride.
...
There are three main types of pet scams: an overpayment scheme, a Nigerian pet scam and a sale that provides you with an ill or dying puppy -- or no puppy at all.

So Poodle Bitch offers this piece of advice to anyone who receives a photo of an adorable puppy, asking for money or banking information in exchange for animal companionship:

Delete the email. And consider an online dating service. Poodle Bitch has heard that those sites are full of earnest people.

Poodle Bitch Has Always Been Immune to the "Charms" of LOLcats

Poodle Bitch often has trouble understanding humans. They do things that she finds simply mystifying.

The enduring popularity of "LOLcats" is particularly confusing. Images of cats- and other animals, apparently- engaged in some activity that humans find "adorable," to which are added deliberately misspelled comedy captions, do not appeal to her. Perhaps they are amusing, but they are a cheap laugh. Poodle Bitch believes that too much in the world is "cheap."

Poodle Bitch is interested in higher pursuits. Especially considering the fact that the animals in question have no say in the matter. Poodle Bitch notes that very often the animals are trapped in some humiliating enforced activity, such as having a bath, or with their head trapped in a box (at the bottom of which some kind of "treat" was placed, to entice the animal).

Poodle Bitch had hoped that this silly trend would have ended by now. But it has not. According to Slate:

More than two years after its launch, I Can Has Cheezburger is still having cheeseburgers. Not only hasn't it faded, the site is bigger than ever: People keep sending in new pictures, new people keep discovering the phenomenon, and every day traffic grows a bit more. In the last year, according to the traffic-monitoring firm Compete, visits to the site more than doubled. About 1 million unique users now land at I Can Has Cheezburger every month, and its growth shows no sign of ebbing.

And what do visitors to the "I Can Has Cheezburger" site get? Poodle Bitch could not get past the first photo before she began to feel the onset of diabetes.



A kitten passed out on some human's crotch does not warm Poodle Bitch's heart. Nor does it bring a smile to her lips. It is merely a reminder of the evolutionary process, and the cynical way that some animals- especially cats- manipulate their human companions. The addition of the "babytalk" caption further perturbs Poodle Bitch. Cats are disturbing and capable of causing great annoyance, but comparing them to human babies is reprehensible.

To that end, Poodle Bitch has created her own version. She has done this as a service not only to misguided humans, but to exploited animals everywhere.