Poodle Bitch is sad to note the passing of Pusuke

Yesterday, Pusuke, described in the Mail Online as a "male cross breed," passed away. Pusuke's passing is notable because the authoritative collector of human "records," the Guinness Book, last December certified him as the oldest living dog on the planet.

Here is how the Mail Online story begins:

The world's oldest living dog has died in Japan at the age of 26 - the equivalent to more than 125 human years.

Poodle Bitch wonders why it is that a canine's age must always be presented so. Are humans so unable to comprehend that 26 is an extraordinarily ripe old age for a dog that they must have it spelled out that the "human equivalent" is, well, a ripe old age for a human?

Poodle Bitch would like for everyone, human and canine alike, to finally once and for all acknowledge that human and canine bodies age differently. Canines mature faster. While human babies are still making (pardon Poodle Bitch's language) "poo" in their diapers, most dogs have already learned to patiently sit by the door and wait for a human to let them out. And very few humans ever learn that the only proper, dignified spot in which to leave one's (again, pardon Poodle Bitch's language) "poo" is outside in a nice, shady spot, far away from the structure in which one dwells.

Poodle Bitch very much appreciates this reporting on the story, at something with the cutesy-poo name "Animal Tracks," in which Pusuke's passing is noted not in human terms, but canine:

Pusuke, who was listed as the oldest living dog in Guinness World Records, died on Dec. 5, 2011 in Sakura, Japan. He reached the ripe old age of 26 years and 9 months.

Unfortunately, the story is three paragraphs in length. The first paragraph, Poodle Bitch has pasted in full above. The second paragraph consists of two sentences noting the previous record holder was an American Beagle who passed away in 2003. The third paragraph is a single sentence containing a link to a "slideshow of the biggest, fastest, longest, weirdest and wackiest record breakers from the 2012 edition of Guinness World Records."

Hardly a dignified notice of the passing of a dedicated companion of more than 26 and a half years. Especially given what Poodle Bitch learned from an article which appeared in Business Insider (Poodle Bitch wonders if Pusuke was involved in business in some way?) back in July 2011:

But Pusuke came close to losing out on the prestigious Guinness title.

In 2008, the dog was run over by a car and several of his organs were crushed during the accident.

Leaving aside for a moment the casual indifference with which this information is presented, Poodle Bitch has to admit she gasped upon reading those words. Pusuke's organs were crushed when he was run over by a car three years ago. Appropriately, a website called A Place to Love Dogs has more:

The spry elder canine still enjoys his role as guard dog, but nearly lost his shot at the Guinness record when he was struck by a car in 2008, rupturing a number of internal organs. Emergency surgery saved the 28 pound wonder dog.

Poodle Bitch concedes that's not much more, but it does tell the reader that Pusuke had surgery. Also, Poodle Bitch can't help but note that while Business Insider (the place for canine-related news?) says that Pusuke's organs were "crushed," which sounds like something humans occasionally do to the delicious tomatoes that Poodle Bitch so loves before placing them in jars, A Place to Love Dogs reveals that Pusuke's organs "ruptured," which sounds much more like a medical term.

But which was it -- were Pusuke's organs "ruptured," or "crushed"?

Poodle Bitch also notes that Ms. Nagai is described by the website as Pusuke's "owner." Perhaps they should call themselves "A Place to Own Dogs"? Regardless, A Place to Love Dogs claims that Pusuke's human companion, Shigeo Nagai, gives him vitamins twice daily, but does not share exactly what vitamins he takes. This is information Poodle Bitch might like to have.

Perhaps the vitamins twice a day lifestyle is the norm in Japan. Poodle Bitch notes that the average human life expectancy in Japan is 82.9 years, which is apparently the longest in the world. Poodle Bitch is curious as to the average life expectancy of dogs worldwide, but was only able to find canine life expectancy information broken down by breed, not nation. So she has no way of knowing for sure if Japanese dogs live longer.

Still, Poodle Bitch has long maintained that is the quality of the years, not the quantity, that most matter to her. She is happy to have found companions in whose presence she feels safe and protected, and she is happy to have gotten plenty of satisfying chicken breast and tomato slices. And a nice place outside the house in which to (one last time, Poodle Bitch apologizes for her language) poo. She hopes that Pusuke could say the same.

She hopes that all dogs can say the same.

Pusuke and his human companion, Shigeo Nagai. Two very lucky individuals.

Poodle Bitch's Thoughts are With the Family of the Former "World's Oldest Dog"

Poodle Bitch has had her problems with "The World's Oldest Dog," Chanel (actually, Poodle Bitch's problems were not with Chanel herself, but with the hype surrounding the suspicious claim that she was "the world's oldest dog"), but she was nevertheless saddened by the news that the very old dog has passed away.

A wire-haired dachshund that held the record as the world's oldest dog and celebrated its last birthday with a party at a dog hotel and spa has died at age 21 — or 147 in dog years.

Poodle Bitch wonders why Chanel, a dachshund bitch, should be referred to with the pronoun "its" by the author of the article. Isn't it enough that she has died- must she now be referred to as if she were nothing more than a piece of matter?

Poodle Bitch hopes that the casual callousness of the authors does not in any way damage the memories that the dachshund bitch's human companions shared, such as:

Along with her owner, Chanel spent nine years on assignment in Germany, where she became adept at stealing sticks of butter from kitchen countertops and hiding them in sofa cushions in the living room, Shaughnessy said. She also liked chocolate, usually considered toxic to dogs, Shaughnessy said.

"She once ate an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups, and, you see, she lived to be 21, so go figure," Shaughnessy added.

Poodle Bitch would like to make two observations regarding the passage quoted above. The first is that Poodle Bitch hopes that she will treated to more bags of Reese's peanut butter cups in the future. Just to try them out. Okay, one or two can't hurt, right? They were good enough for "the world's oldest dog," at least on one occasion.

Of course, Poodle Bitch once saw a labrador bitch ingest an entire packet of cigarettes. To her knowledge, the labrador only did this once, and suffered no ill-effects.

"Go figure."

The second observation is that the author, not content to refer to Chanel as an "it," has compounded the insensitivity by referring to her human companion as "her owner."

The dog has passed away- let her rest in peace.

When It Comes To "The World's Oldest Dog," Poodle Bitch Is Unimpressed.

Poodle Bitch turns her back to you when you mention Chanel, the 21 year old "wiener dog."

A dog that is "almost 21" called "Chanel" has attracted so much attention that she recently appeared with those first-class wits, Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira, on "The Today Show."

You will excuse Poodle Bitch if she doesn't stand at attention.

The TODAY crew had some fun with ["owner" Denice] Shaughnessy and Chanel, whose wire hair is entirely white with age.

Meredith Vieira joked that now that Chanel’s turning 21, “She can drink whiskey out of a toilet.”

Matt Lauer took advantage of the fact that Chanel is a “wiener dog” to tease Vieira. At the equivalent of 120 years old, he told his co-host, “that makes [Chanel] the oldest hot dog I’ve seen since that barbecue at your place.”

If this is the banter that one gets from watching that "news" program, Poodle Bitch is happy she doesn't rouse herself before nine.

Although Chanel is unfazed by her celebrity, the Shaughnessys’ three grandsons are excited to have a world-record holder in the family.

Poodle Bitch directs readers to the photo of herself looking disdainfully at the "world-record holder." The dog wears sunglasses and a flashy sweater. The dog has certainly let something go to her head. And by the way, Poodle Bitch is dubious about the claims that the dog's cataracts and "chills" necessitate the wearing of such outlandish accoutrement. This dog has gone Hollywood. Poodle Bitch has no problem with that. It is the hypocrisy that she can't stand.

But back to the article:

Impressive as her accomplishment is, Chanel has a way to go to catch the all-time record for canine longevity. The oldest dog ever whose age could be verified was Bluey, an Australian cattle dog that died at the ripe old age of 29 years, 5 months in 1939.

Poodle Bitch laments the fact that we've sunk so low as a culture that the act of not dying is somehow considered an "accomplishment." Especially when we learn that this "world record holder" is not a "world record holder" at all. She is eight and a half years behind the actual record holder.

It is unfair to say that Chanel has accomplished nothing, as tempted as Poodle Bitch is to do so. Poodle Bitch has no doubt that Chanel makes her family very happy (as distasteful as Poodle Bitch finds the use of the word "owner" in describing her human companion). But to claim that Chanel has somehow "accomplished" something, and then to state that she has not accomplished that something, is at best confusing and at worst misleading and insulting.

But it gets worse:

Still, Chanel is undeniably remarkable. At almost 21, she’s in fine fettle, still likes to play, and has just a few physical issues that can be expected at an age that translates to 120 for a human.

The astute reader will note that the author of the article has palpably left undefined Chanel's definition of "play." Moreover, if she is in "fine fettle" then she is by definition healthy in body and spirit. Poodle Bitch has no way of judging Chanel on the latter, but as for the former:

She always wears a sweater or T-shirt when she goes out, even in summer, because she tends to get chilled easily. Chanel also has cataracts and has to wear goggles with tinted lenses to protect her eyes when she goes out. She’s got a bit of a benign tumor on one hind leg, and wears booties to protect the limb.

She also keeps odd hours and gets up in the middle of the night to get a drink, then has to search for her bed. Chanel actually has two doggie beds and alternates nights sleeping in them.

The elderly Chanel has cataracts, gets "chilled easily," has "a bit of a benign tumor" (Poodle Bitch wonders how a tumor can be "a bit benign"- is not the corollary "a bit malignant"?), and wears "booties" (plural) to protect the "limb" (singular). Moreover, poor Chanel is unable to sleep through the night and then cannot find her way back to her bed. Her "owner" has had to provide her with another bed.

Does that sound like a dog "in fine fettle"? Poodle Bitch asks the reader, who is most likely human, to put him- or herself in Chanel's place. Imagine waking in the night, parched, and then after getting a drink being unable to locate your sleeping place.

You: "Well, I've got cataracts, I have to wear a sweater even in the summer, I've got this tumor I'm not quite sure about, and I have to keep it covered all the time. On top of that, when I get out of bed to get some water, I get lost trying to find my goldarn bed. Aside from that, my health's great!"

Poodle Bitch believes it is unlikely one would be happy with such an arrangement, and would hardly be celebrated on a television "news" program.