Poodle Bitch is Annoyed By Mystery Spam

Poodle Bitch has received a spam email that is simultaneously flattering and sinister. She would be more scared, if she weren't swelled with pride over how trustworthy some people claim to believe she is.

Of course, Poodle Bitch does not know how seriously she should take compliments when they're contained within an email that is addressed "Dear Sir/Madam."

Poodle Bitch is a Bitch; she is neither a "sir" nor a "madam."

Salam(Urgent Business Assistant in Asia)‏
From: Medivet Veterinary Group
Sent: Sun 9/27/09 6:05 AM

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am KAREN BLAIR, the regional purchasing manager of Medivet Veterinary Group, 4 Mowat Industrial Estate Sandown Road Watford Hertfordshire WD24 7UY IN UNITED KINGDOM,

before I had a car accident.... I cannot continue my business for now because of my present condition and that is why I am contacting you.I used to represent my company to several Asian countries to purchase a product called "Adequan"..

This product is a vaccine use for animal treatment and health care. It is very essential in raising animals like horses, lambs, Sheep, cows, dogs etc. As of this, I am having a business proposal for you. Please find the statements below:

1. I will introduce you to my company's General Manager as being the main and only Supplier of the said vaccine.

2. The vaccine costs USD 8,500 per packet in UNITED STATES, but in Malaysia, Pacific Asia sub-region where I have been purchasing it, it relatively cheaper being USD 2,200 per packet. You will be supplying it to my company at the rate of USD 4,000 per carton.

3. Note that the actual cost price of the vaccine (USD 2,200) remains confidential and should not be disclosed to my company GM as this will affect our profit.

4. Neither my company directors know the seller of this product nor the seller know my company directors; I will however introduce you as the main supplier.

My company normally purchases 80-100 packets in each trip I make depending on the quantity left behind in the company. The seller of this product is a woman, you will purchase the product from the woman and supply to my company, my company will make payment to you cash on delivery. Let the above mentioned be in mutual beneficiary for us and an opportunity to embark in future engagements. I need somebody trustworthy to be introduced as the main supplier. Finally, if you wish to take up this offer, kindly get back to me so that I can give you all contact details and that of my GM whom you will contact and send you quotation. I also will give you the price to quote; in return my GM will then issue you an LPO (Legal Purchasing Order).Should you have any question regarding this business, don't hesitate to ask me.. my email:karen.blair01@yahoo.com

Awaiting your swift response.

Best Regards,

KAREN BLAIR

Poodle Bitch is no expert, but the language of this email reminds her of what it must be like to deal with drug dealers. The sellers and company directors do not know one another, and must be kept in the dark as to their respective identities. Moreover, the actual price of the product must not be disclosed.

Oops. Perhaps Poodle Bitch should have redacted the prices listed in this spam email. Or, even better, perhaps the composer of this spam email should not have disclosed the prices.

Come to think of it, since the people in the email are selling animal vaccines, Poodle Bitch supposes that, literally, these people are drug dealers. Poodle Bitch will take a pass on this particular "opportunity."

Poodle Bitch is Not Being Sold by Some Breeders in Cameroon or Nigeria

Nigerian spam scammers are selling nonexistent companion animals to unsuspecting, lonely humans. In Australia, anyway.

The scammers steal the pets' names and photos from legitimate Australian businesses to advertise non-existent animals on a fake website. They even mention the names of transport companies that will deliver the pets and say the pet will be killed if not sold quickly.

This is the unfortunate side of having an internet presence. Poodle Bitch shudders to think that her irresistible image might be used by some unscrupulous scammers to extort money from those who are looking for companionship from a dog of refined taste, perfect grooming, and charming good looks.

Naturally, Poodle Bitch was alarmed, for this was the first she'd heard of this unscrupulous behavior. However, after doing a google search, she discovered that such internet pet scams have been going on for years. Here, for instance, is an article from September 2007.

Internet scammers are luring online puppy buyers with cute pictures and false promises, taking would-be dog owners for an emotional and financial ride.
...
There are three main types of pet scams: an overpayment scheme, a Nigerian pet scam and a sale that provides you with an ill or dying puppy -- or no puppy at all.

So Poodle Bitch offers this piece of advice to anyone who receives a photo of an adorable puppy, asking for money or banking information in exchange for animal companionship:

Delete the email. And consider an online dating service. Poodle Bitch has heard that those sites are full of earnest people.